


ftpverse scraps

by rarmaster



Series: FtPverse [7]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-21 04:32:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 26,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11349927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rarmaster/pseuds/rarmaster
Summary: A collection of non-canon ftpverse things, including "scenes I wrote for the heck of it even though they'd literally never happen" as well as original drafts, cut content and everyone's favorite: brainstorms.





	1. ATR 86 brainstorm ft "when Kano was saying things"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS EXTREMELY SPOILERS FOR ATR86, I mean I think without context it'd be hard to decipher but, still. maybe back out if you haven't read that far now--
> 
> also it's formatted As A Brainstorm, which means it's not meant to read like Actual Prose, just a quick jotting down of thoughts. I cleaned it up some but not entirely. The only difference between this and the actual chapter (for the most part) is that this has notations of what Kano's saying when, since I had to keep track of that even though I wasn't in Sora's POV, because it affects how Sora reacts during this conversation at some points.

“Aqua!” Sora calls. He runs over and I think he looks relieved to see her? Probably smiles at her. Thinks a lot about his eyes darting around though, searching for someone who isn’t here. “Where’s Roxas?” he asks

“I took care of him,” Aqua tells him, and idk if we get the annoyed hint we got in the other draft or not. it was good so tosses it down, we can decide against it later. “Did you not _trust_ me?”

“Nah, I was just worried,” Sora says and he looks sheepish scratches at his head. Then he looks super uncomfortable as a realization passes over him (Kano’s fault? Maybe) ( _just the thought of Kano going ‘hey ‘I took care of him’ is super uhhhhh’ is REAL GOOD_ ) “did you, uhhhhhh”

And he doesn’t want to say kill Roxas and, ok, this didn’t flow as it did last night in my head but. him just. “did you uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

Aqua catches on “no, he got away.”

“Oh ok phew” Sora says and (‘ _phew!?’_ Kano demands _)_ then “I mean! like, it’s not great he got away but. I’m glad he’s not. dead?” (‘ _WHY THO’ Kano he’s fine outside of being possessed ‘all your memories of him say he was a nosy asshole’ well that’s not grounds enough to DIE anyway stop talking I’m talking to aqua and I know she like doesn’t notice us doing this somehow but ‘YEAH YEAH’)_

And maybe we SHOULD let Aqua say something but otherwise Sora just goes “ANYWAY I got my parents away alright and explained what I could to them, which went… better than expected.”

Aqua goes cold

_That’s right_

_His parents saw that bullshit_

She doesn’t remember much of what happened during those minutes but she has the gist of what happened from Ven and the circumstances and… well no I absolutely said she doesn’t remember much so it’s just a General Idea but that’s still enough to make her super uneasy

“Oh,” she says and it is absolutely with a coldness that makes Sora suddenly uncomfortable, because dead-pan _oh_ is not a good reaction to _hey things are fine w/ my parents._ “Do. do I need to talk to them?” she hates to offer, there isn’t anything she wants to do less right now, but she has to, because it’s the responsible thing

“What? Oh, no! I don’t think so” Sora assures her “I mean, would that make you feel better…?” he stares at her, squints at her, trying to gauge her reaction. She’s not displaying a lot of emotion but Sora’s good at reading people and she’s still giving off a lot of discomfort and don’t wanna vibes (‘ _now THAT’D be a convo I’d like to see. ‘hey sorry I nearly killed your son, I promise it wasn’t on purpose’—’ kano shut the fuck up I think this is serious_ )

“I’m sure they want an explanation for what happened, and, preferably from me,” Aqua sighs. she is the responsible adult in this scenario, and she has to be responsible for her actions. She just wishes she had an actual explanation for what happened, and more importantly, one that would not horrify any set of parents she told it to

(there was a reason she had yet to go home and see her own)

“I mean, I already explained, though?” Sora argues, a lot confused. “No I didn’t get all the details but… I dunno I spent a lot more time trying to explain Roxas, and they didn’t seem too worried about—”

“I _did_ almost kill you, though”

Sora shrugs, completely unmoved. “It was an accident. We all got the sense that it was a totally unusual occurrence and you didn’t mean to or anything, I’m pretty sure they’re chill” (‘ _they’ll have probably forgotten by tomorrow anyway’ KANO PLEASE STOP SAYING THOSE WORDS ‘just voicing what you’re scared to Sora’ THIS ISN’T FUNNY KANO_ )

_He says this and he gets kind of agitated towards the end, which is Kano’s fault, but Aqua won’t know that, just see the agitation. Is he agitated at her? Well, it doesn’t matter, because she has an unfortunately damn good reason to feel responsible for doing this_

“they’re parents” Aqua argues, knowing that her own would never have let her train with Eraqus if they even thought _training_ could turn into accidentally dying and tbh while that’s a good thought on its own, it absolutely makes her go cold cold and start disassociating a little because _haha fuck, I almost killed Sora, and I have no idea why, except that this is something my shit brain does now after almost ten years in the hell dimension_

We were gonna have Sora go “I mean it might help if I had a better idea of what to tell them if you wanna tell me or if you have an idea” BUTTT CONSIDERING THIS JUNCTURE

MORE LIKELY

SORA GOES

“hey are you… are _you_ okay, with what happened?” and he asks this, because he realizes in this moment that what everyone else thinks about what happened is not nearly as important as what aqua thinks

_It is EXTREMELY possible that she sits there for a few minutes and Sora actually fucking says “I mean I guess you have a point…” and she just doesn’t respond and it’s at that he squints at her really worries about her and, well, I don’t think Kano plays into this at all but it’s a fun sidenote to have_

And she laughs and it’s empty it’s desperate because _no she’s not okay with what happened tbfh,_ but what is she supposed to say. She shouldn’t be too open with Sora he’s her _student_ not her friend technically, Eraqus never came to her with his burdens, this isn’t how it works but

“No,” she whispers. “Sora I almost killed you”

“It wasn’t that bad” he says, and he laughs nervously, trying to play it off “I dodged everything you threw at me and then Ven stepped in—”

“but if Ven hadn’t been here” Aqua counters “and if you hadn’t been able to get through to me” she shivers, hugs herself, feeling very very very cold. She cannot make herself finish this thought, but she does go onto, quietly, fearfully “maybe I’m not… maybe I’m not fit to teach you…”

And Sora feels like he’s been punched in the gut. “whoa, Aqua,” he says and he reaches out to her, grabs her by the arms, puts his hands over hers, smth ( _tbh, it is at this juncture that Kano goes silent_ ) “that’s not true!”

 


	2. ATR 86 original draft or something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially I wanted to do this with ATR86, jumping off a Riku and Yuffie scene that ended up getting moved to ATR88, but after drafting it I went "wow this feels like an absolutely pointless connection between these two scenes" and decided to not. Here's the brainstorm for it though, since it has some good Riku dialogue and stuff.

            Yuffie considered him a moment, then grabbed him by the arm, starting to drag him away. “Come on, we need to get back to work!” she sang. An excuse to get out of here? Well, Riku’d take it.

            Not that they got far before Sora and Kairi dropped in front of them, via star shard.

            “Oh good, you’re not busy!” were the first words out of Sora’s mouth, as he met Riku’s eyes. He seemed to jitter where he stood, built-up nervousness or excitement about ready to burst out from him.

            “Aqua’s _maybe_ in trouble,” Kairi clarified, hand still firmly knotted with Sora’s.

            “I mean she’s probably fine?” Sora said. “But I’m not super comfortable leaving her alone for much longer. Roxas was there—”

            At the mention of Roxas, Riku went rigid. _Oh._

“Do you need help?” Leon asked, from behind Riku.

            Riku turned to look at him. He looked serious, ready to move. 

            “No. I mean,” Sora began.

            “Riku and Yuffie will be fine,” Kairi finished for him. She held out her hand towards Riku. “C’mon.”

            Riku nodded. Yuffie’s hand was already on his arm, but he shifted to grip her hand in his instead, feeling that was safer.

            “Okay, don’t ask me my opinion, that’s fine,” Yuffie was saying, but Riku’d already grabbed Kairi’s hand, and they were gone.

  **~**

 

They arrive at Mysterious Tower and Kairi’s like “what did you not WANT to come” to Yuffie

“no she’s just complaining for the sake of complaining” Riku says and

“HEY” Yuffie says

And they keep arguing but Sora calls “Aqua!” and he’s approaching her and that’s all she focuses on from there and uh. He could just say “oh I’m glad to see you’re ok” but tbh it’s more like “UHH WHERE IS HE WHERE’S ROXAS”

And Aqua gets annoyed

“Sora I told you I could handle it”

“well yeah but I”

“did you not TRUST me?”

Sora’s shoulders sag and he lowers his head and mumbles “I just didn’t want to leave you alone,”

And Aqua’s still a little annoyed but he reminds her of Ven and he’s being sweet so she sighs. Maybe she thinks about ruffling his hair, but thinks better of it because Ven is right there and would absolutely get jealous.

(but also her ruffling his hair and him being !?!?! and Ven going HEY I’M THE RESIDENT HAIR-RUFFLEE, EXCUSE, is good)

And, she smiles. Which is a rare feeling?? But she smiles warmly at Sora “well, I taught him a lesson and sent him on his way, so hopefully he won’t try that again any time soon” she says, a joking note in her tone.

Sora looks at her relieved “yeah, hopefully”

“so this was pointless?” Riku calls, approaching them now. could be Yuffie, but maybe she and Kairi are still arguing? And like. I want to emphasize that anything Yufife could do, Riku could also do. they’re so similar and also starting to rub off each other

Sora looks at him and sighs, feels bad for dragging him here, which, like he’s probably rubbing at his neck looking sheepish and guilty “yeah guess so” and maybe he says “sorry for dragging you all this way for nothing” or maybe he doesn’t, his regret is probably conveyed by the situation? Sit on that thought

Riku shrugs back, not super bothered “nah it’s cool” or “well, alright” and he smiles kind of awkwardly at Aqua, waves, AND HEY YOU KNOW WHAT WE DO GET: AQUA’S OPINIONS ON RIKU, WHOM SHE HAS INTERACTED LIKE TWICE WITH “hi Aqua, hi Ven, sorry for dropping in like this”

Sora just “GOD RIKU DON’T MAKE IT WORSE”

“sorry for dragging you this far”

“AQUA DON’T APOLOGIZE IT WAS MY DECISION”

“have a good day” Riku says he waves

“you too” Aqua tells him

He goes back to Yuffie

And the conversation with Yuffie goes something like: “so this was pointless?” Yuffie asks and “that’s what I said” Riku replies. “well whatever, guess that got you out of there” “heartless was a decent enough excuse also fuck I didn’t mean to admit to wanting. Well. whatever. Come on let’s go.” “guess it was exciting at least?? For like five seconds” “BYE SORA, BYE KAIRI. MAYBE DROP BY LATER WE CAN HANG OUT” they’re gone

 


	3. (DI - AU/Special Chapter) Today's My Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sora drops by Twilight Town and has a pretty great day with Joseph and Toby. Which is a nice treat, too, considering...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the special chapter that got dropped in DIch103 (and _was_ initially posted on Sora's birthday, which is March 21st) and while it's one of the better special chapters, it's incredibly non-canon (Sora leaves HB through different, incredibly important means, as you'll see by DIch110) and I didn't want it confusing readers, even with a big fat THIS ONE ISN'T CANON FOLKS JUST FOR FUN label along the top. 
> 
> It also ended up in scraps vs ASAS because, again, it's not canon... and I'm doing my darndest to make sure everything in ASAS is canon, so, like.

Sora stepped out into Twilight Town, and then winced slightly. It was _very_ bright in Twilight Town, and looking around with only one eye didn’t help matters one bit. He grimaced. Maybe he should’ve just stayed until the dang wound healed enough that he didn’t need bandages anymore…

“Sora!?”

He turned, slightly shocked, though when he found it was Joseph who was calling to him, he realized that he really shouldn’t have been surprised. He laughed slightly, and waved. Joseph ran over.

“What a coincidence to run into you here!!” he said, coming to a stop next to Sora. He grinned. His grin fell, though, upon noticing the bandages. “Dude! What happened to you!?!”

Sora took a deep breath.

“It’s a long story,” he said. He didn’t really want to explain all the details concerning his Shadow to Joseph. However… he figured Joseph would want _some_ sort of explanation, so he said: “But, basically, I got in a fight with the darkness and am most likely going to have a very nasty scar across my face.”

Joseph grimaced.

“How bad is it?” he asked.

In response, Sora shrugged off his jacket and pushed aside his shirt so Joseph could see the damage that had been done to his shoulder, too. Joseph winced.

Sora shrugged and pulled his jacket back on.

“It doesn’t hurt too bad,” he muttered. “My eye hurts the most. Aerith said I was lucky it wasn’t any worse, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to see out of the eye anymore.”

“I should get you some ice—” Joseph stopped mid-sentence, eyes going wide in shock. “Ah _fish_!” he muttered. “I really need to stop doing this!” He turned back around, scanned the area behind him for a moment, then yelled: “Toby! Where’d you go!”

Sora raised his eyebrows (with some difficulty due to the bandages). “Who’s Toby?” he asked, getting an odd notion that he had heard the name before.

“You’ll see as soon as I find him,” Joseph replied, quickly running off.

Sora watched for a second, and then followed after him. They found who he was looking for by the ice cream shop, looking rather miffed. Sora raised his eyebrows at the sight of the boy. He couldn’t have been much older than eight.

“You ran off,” Toby muttered, staring directly at Joseph. “I wasn’t sure if I should follow you or not.” He glanced over at Sora then, eyes widening slightly in shock. “Who are you?”

“He’s my friend!” Joseph replied before Sora could even open his mouth. “His name is Sora!”

Sora smiled, and then nodded.

Toby waved.

Sora laughed slightly, and then waved back.

“Oh!” Joseph exclaimed, rather suddenly. “I have something I need to give you Sora! Gimme a second, okay?” And before either Sora or Toby could respond, he darted through a dark corridor.

It couldn’t have even been a minute when he returned.

“Here,” he said, handing Sora two halves of a broken wooden sword. Sora stared at them, confused, and Joseph shifted uncomfortably. “It sorta got broken,” he muttered, refusing to look Sora in the eye.

Sora laughed.

“Hey, no big deal,” he said. “It happens.”

Joseph sighed.

“I still feel bad.”

Sora slowly sat down, set the broken sword aside, and then reached up and started undoing his bandages. Joseph stared at him, confused, but Sora didn’t explain what he was doing. He just pulled the bandages away from his face, and then winced.

Twilight Town was _extremely_ bright, especially to an eye that had been closed for the past few days. He blinked a few times, trying to get used to it, and then tried to open his eye all the way. It hurt. He quickly settled on just squinting with that eye, because it hurt less.

Once he was done with that, he picked up the two halves of the broken sword and pieced them back together as best as he could. Then he used his dirty bandages to bind both halves together. It turned out rather well, though the sword was slightly crooked. He held it up for Joseph to see.

“There, all fixed.”

Joseph stared.

Sora raised his eyebrows, trying hard not to wince as he did so. He hoped that eventually his eye would stop hurting so that he wouldn’t have such a hard time with simple facial expressions.

“What?” he asked, and then looked at the sword. “Okay, I suppose it’s not the best of work, but it really doesn’t matter. I don’t really need this old sword anymore.”

“Not the sword…” Joseph said slowly. “It’s that scar… are you sure it doesn’t hurt?”

Sora made a face, which somehow didn’t hurt his eye, and then nodded.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Does it look really nasty or something?”

Joseph nodded.

Sora laughed.

“Well, I guess I deserve it. _This_ is what happens when you meddle with the darkness, kids! Don’t do it! It’s bad for you!”

Joseph laughed at that, and Toby laughed slightly, too, even though Sora was pretty sure he didn’t understand the joke.

Then it hit him.

He remembered where he heard the name before.

He smiled slightly, and then got on his knees so he could look Toby in the eye.

“Your name is Toby, right?” he asked.

Toby nodded.

“Y’know Toby, I know a story about a mighty king named Tobias,” Sora said, slowly, doing his best to ignore the nostalgia that was burning inside of him. “They called him Tobias the Fiery Menace, mainly because he had fiery red hair, like you, but also because he had a fiery personality.”

“Was he evil?” Toby asked.

Sora shook his head.

Toby frowned. “Then why did they call him a menace?”

Sora laughed.

“Because he ruled his country so well, all the other kings were jealous of him,” he explained, a sly smile working its way onto his face. He picked up his broken sword and then hopped to his feet, brandishing the blade. “And if _you_ were Tobias the Fiery Menace, then I’d be Samson the Assassin!” He declared his “name” proudly, striking a pose as he did so. Both Toby and Joseph laughed.

“And I was hired to kill you,” Sora continued. “You gonna let me?”

“Never!” Toby replied, picking up a nearby stick and brandishing it.

Joseph made a face. “Who would I be?” he asked, turning to Sora skeptically.

Sora paused, and thought about it for a moment. Then he laughed, surprised that it hadn’t hit him sooner.

“You can be Sir Joseph,” he said. “Tobias’ brave and loyal knight.”

Joseph made a face, but then drew his own sword.

 

**xxx**

 

They ran around Twilight Town for quite some time, and, surprisingly, Toby and Joseph put up a fairly good fight. Sora quickly dodged around a corner and hid there, trying to keep his breath steady so that he wouldn’t give himself away by breathing too loud.

 _It’s been so long since I’ve had to run so much…_ he thought, remembering his days as a kid on the Islands. _But man Toby has a lot of energy in him! I’d be surprised if he tired out after a full day of this!_

He stole a glance around the corner to see if either of the boys was nearby.

“There he is!” Joseph shouted.

Sora frowned, and then turned around. Joseph was standing in a different entrance to the side area Sora had been hiding in, which was, not surprisingly, up a whole level. Sora grimaced and scolded himself for not bothering to look and make sure he was in a relatively good hiding spot.

“What are you waiting for? Get him!” Toby commanded.

Joseph jumped down to where Sora was. Sora quickly ran off, hoping that Joseph was as tired as he was, and therefore the chase would be relatively fair. It turned out that it didn’t really matter, though. Toby jumped down from the bridge Sora was running under and blocked his path.

“Didn’t think so!” Toby laughed, brandishing the stick he was using for a sword.

Sora grimaced.

It wasn’t that he was in a really bad position right now.

In fact, he was in a very good position to “kill” Toby and declare the game over.

However, that would be completely unfair to the poor boy.

Thankfully, Joseph came to his rescue. He ran up behind Sora, sword prepared to strike. Sora heard him coming just in time and managed to block Joseph’s blade, only barely.

 _It’s a good thing we’re only using toy swords,_ he thought with a laugh, and then pushed Joseph’s sword away.

They fought for a bit, and then Joseph swung his sword down, _hard_ , on Sora’s sword. Sora’s sword, being held crudely together with bandages that had loosened over time, snapped in half again. Sora glanced at the half that he still held with disappointment; he could’ve sworn he had tied the halves together better than that…

Joseph quickly kicked the other half out of reach and pointed his sword at Sora’s chest.

Sora sighed and dropped the half of a sword he was holding and held up his hands in surrender.

“Okay, okay,” he sighed. “You guys win! I’m beat!”

Joseph cast a glance over at Toby. “Would you like to do the honors, sire?” he asked.

Toby shook his head. “Nah, you can kill him.”

Sora almost chuckled at that, but quickly stifled it so that he’d stay in character. “Kill me!?” he asked, pretending to be shocked. “But what about a trial? Shouldn’t I get a trial!?”

“You’ve committed treason!” Toby replied. “And the punishment for treason is-”

“Immediate death,” Joseph finished.

Sora decided he wouldn’t mention that treason wasn’t technically the right term for the crime he had “committed”. It was funny, though. Treason _would_ have been the right term had this been anything like the play he had been in when he was a kid.

Well, one of the right terms. If this was like the play, he would’ve been convicted of at least six before the day was through.

_“Sir Joseph, stand down!”_

His heart turned in his chest.

_Kairi… if you had yelled at me like that when I was getting to close to the darkness…_

_Would I have listened to you?_

Joseph stabbed him, hard, interrupting his thought process. It didn’t _really_ hurt, nor did it _actually_ do any damage, but Sora had played dead often enough to know better than to mention that. He quickly clutched his chest and staggered back, pretending to be severely injured, even taking the time to check for “blood”.

“This- this isn’t fair!” he gasped, taking extra care to draw his words out as if he was actually dying.

Then he fell over.

He grimaced once he hit the ground. The stone streets of Twilight Town hurt _a lot_ more than the relatively soft sand of Destiny Islands. The only upside to this was he wouldn’t have to worry about getting sand in his hair or clothes or something. He ignored that thought and made a face; something that he hoped would pass as “dead”, then he held his breath.

There was silence for a moment.

Sora grimaced, trying not to let out the breath he was holding.

Someone else had to say something first…

Someone kicked him lightly in the side.

“Are you actually dead?” Toby asked.

Sora couldn’t help it. He had to laugh at that. The laughing quickly turned to coughing, though, and he rolled over, trying to get the coughing under control.

“Oh gosh, Sora, don’t seriously die!” Joseph said. “That would suck!”

Sora only coughed some more.

“Will you stay alive if I get you ice cream?”

Sora laughed again, though the laughter hardly made it out through his coughing. “Stop- stop making me laugh!” he managed to say, and then proceeded to continue coughing. Thankfully, the coughing fit didn’t last long after that.

“You okay?” Joseph asked.

Sora nodded.

“It’s been a while since I’ve held my breath for that long,” he replied, and then grinned. “The laughing didn’t help either, though. Now what was that you said about ice cream…?”

Joseph laughed and stuck his sword back through his belt.

“Yeah, sure, gimme a sec and I’ll get some.”

 

**xxx**

 

About five minutes later, Joseph and Sora were eating their ice cream. Toby had finished his rather quickly (Joseph said he had only ever seen Axel eat ice cream so fast) and was currently running through the Tram Common, probably a bit crazy from the sugar. Joseph was too tired to run after him, and Sora was just tired, period.

But, hey, he had had a good day.

“Did you make all of that up?” Joseph asked rather suddenly, turning to Sora.

Sora shook his head.

“No. I based it off of a play I was in when I was about your age,” he replied. “Well, I added the ‘Fiery’ part to Tobias the Menace, and I swapped the parts around. Tobias was the assassin, Samson was the king. But-” He smiled. “I didn’t really peg Toby as an assassin type, and sometimes you have to change the character to fit the person. The person won’t _always_ fit the character.”

Joseph nodded, understanding. “I get it; it’s like how you made up a character for me.”

Sora laughed.

“No, Sir Joseph was real! I mean, he was Samson’s knight, but he was real.”

Joseph frowned.

“I don’t believe you…”

Sora threw a look at him.

“Well, I would sure hope Sir Joseph was real. He was the part I played in the play.” He sighed. “I mean, if you really want to know, you can ask Kairi, she was-” He paused, heart turning in his chest again. “She was in the play, too…” he finished quietly, trying to keep his voice from cracking.

Joseph started to say something, but then he stopped.

Sora pretended he didn’t notice and took a bite of his ice cream.

They stood there in silence for a bit, until Toby came running up. He looked like he was relatively tired out. Relatively.

“Hey Joseph, do you think we should be heading back now?” he asked.

Joseph shrugged.

“Do you want to head back?”

“Kinda…”

Joseph turned to Sora.

“Hey, you can go,” Sora said. “I’m not keeping you!”

Joseph nodded and then formed a dark corridor. Toby quickly went through. Joseph started to follow, but paused.

“Hey, thanks for helping me occupy Toby!” he said. “I feel bad for 29 now, especially if I was this hard to handle.” He shook his head.

Sora laughed.

“Sure thing!”

Joseph saluted, then started through the corridor.

“Joseph!” Sora called. “Thanks!”

Joseph frowned and turned back to him.

“What, for the ice cream? That’s nothing! You know that!”

Sora smiled then shook his head. “No, not for the ice cream, but for a good day. That was fun.”

_I… haven’t had this much fun since I was a kid._

_Back when all I worried about was the play-pretend world that I practically lived in._

_How long has it been now?_

_Two years?_

_No… three now. It would be three years._

“What’s that face for?” Joseph asked.

Sora looked up, a bit confused; he hadn’t realized he had been making a face. Then he laughed; it wasn’t really a surprise, given what he had been thinking about. He smiled.

“Today’s my birthday,” he said. “I’m 15 years old now.”


	4. the most special of special chapters, DIch200

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on a prompt of "what would your characters do if they lost contact with you, how would they finish the story?" though I didn't totally follow the plan through to completion. Featuring a few bad jokes, and some? freaking? Shad character development?? OR RATHER, SOME HINTS AT WHAT'S TO COME,

**Ch119 ~ what really happened**

**(we went back and fixed it later)**

"…probably can't," Alpha was saying. Namine attempted to focus her concentration on that instead. "Why would the Organization waste time and energy going after Namine when they have Roxas and he's just as capable of… y'know. Killing you." He looked directly at Riku. "We've been over this."

"We have," Namine agreed, but her voice cracked a little. "I didn't like this discussion," she added, to cover it up.

She didn't like the discussion because they'd discussed the chances of her being rewritten. One of her other nightmares.

_"They aren't going to kidnap her."_ Alpha's voice. In her head.  _"…the whole purpose of kidnapping her… to Rewrite her to—"_

_"Are you saying… that he'd Rewrite me to—"_

_To kill Riku._

She bit her lip. She could feel the memories pounding in her—

Wait a minute.

Her tense shoulders slumped, and she narrowed her eyes into a confused squint. She sat there for a moment, crinkling her nose, but nothing changed. Her mind was empty—at least, of memories, anyway.

"Namine?" Riku asked, worried.

"Ah…" Namine dragged the word out, still confused. "…it stopped." She said, after a moment.

Alpha looked up from what he was doing, eyes wide. "The meltdown?  _That_  quickly?"

"Well it didn't like… stop…" Namine explained, wiggling her fingers in front of her as she searched for the words. "It… uh… …I ran out of memories?" She shrugged. "Like, uh… well."

She was saved from having to explain—at least for the moment—because Joseph suddenly came running into the room, screaming incoherently at the top of his lungs. He shoved past three different Vexens and one of the Marluxias before launching himself over one of the couches, running across one of the tables, and then finally stopping himself against the couch Alpha was sitting on.

"We've lost contact with rar!" he gasped, panting for air.

" _That!_ " Namine said, pointing at him. "That is what my problem is!"

"Since when do you need rar to prompt your meltdowns?" Alpha asked.

"Since this one was only happening for Plot Purposes and no other reason, meaaaaning it was a little… clunky?" Namine shrugged. "Or it will be? Maybe it won't be. I don't know. We won't know until we get contact back again."

"What do you mean we've  _lost contact?_ " Riku demanded, getting to his feet. "We don't just  _lose contact_  with her! Does she have a friend over?"

Joseph shook his head.

"Been playing a lot of video games?" Riku asked.

"She hasn't gotten any new ones recently, so no," Joseph replied.

"Sleeping?"

"Nope. It was way too sudden for that. Also we get warning about sleep and don't actually completely lose contact with her when she is sleeping."

Riku threw his hands up in the air. "Then what  _happened_?"

"I don't know!" Joseph replied, throwing his hands up in the air, too. "I figured you might know?"

Riku shook his head, looking horrified. "Has something happened to her?"

Joseph just shrugged and shook his head again. "I don't know."

Riku raked a hand through his hair, distraught. "She hasn't like…  _died?_ "

"We would've noticed," Namine said. "We definitely would've noticed if she were… yeah. We would know." She nodded once. Then nodded again.

Riku bit his knuckle, pacing back and forth. "She's probably not dead… but what if something else happened to her?" he mumbled around his hand. "What if… or if… …anything could've… especially with how she's… and there's…"

"Riku." Namine got up, grabbed him by the arm to stop him from pacing, then pulled his hand away from his mouth. "You're going to bite that finger off…"

"I'm sure it's nothing to serious," Joseph said, grinning.

"Then why'd you  _run in here_  screaming like that?" Riku shouted, rounding on him.

Joseph took a step back. "Because….?" He shrugged, slowly, looking guilty. "I was worried too?"

"She should get back to us soon," Namine said. "…right?"

Riku sighed, rubbed his forehead. "Yeah, hopefully."

 

**Meanwhile with Shad**

"Ugh how much  _longer_?" he groaned, pacing back and forth. The seconds couldn't tick by fast enough. "What was it supposed to be? Four, five—"

Wait.

He paused, straightening. There was a sudden… emptiness in the back of his mind. And not a bad emptiness, like his lack of connection with Sora—though that was still absent—but a  _good_  emptiness.

Slowly, a grin spread across his face.

" _Fuck_  yeah," he whispered, and vanished.

**xxx**

He reappeared in, well, he wasn't sure what world it was. He just knew it was the world where Sora was currently staying. If rar wasn't here to stop him, then rar wasn't here to stop him. He could see Sora.

He found Sora—and, unfortunately, Cloud—sitting near a wall that  _looked_  like it was surrounding a Castle. Or a town? But weren't there supposed to be moats around those sort of places? There was no moat here, just a lot of dirt and grass.

Cloud was sitting on a nearby rock, working on something with his hands. It almost looked like he was carving something out of wood. Sora was sitting on the ground near the wall, a phone held to his ear. He wasn't talking, just listening.

Sora's Shadow slowly snuck up to Sora. Cloud was too engrossed with his woodwork to notice, and Sora had his eyes closed. He reached out, a smile growing on his face, and tapped Sora on the shoulder.

" _Boo,_ " he whispered.

Sora dropped the phone, jumped about three feet in the air, and quickly scrambled away from him, kicking up a bit of mud as he did so. His Shadow couldn't help the grin that spread across his face.

"Wh- what are you doing here?!" Sora demanded, straightening. "It's- it's not-" He frowned, hard. "I- I thought it was your  _wolf_  that- Disney Castle. And. It's not even time yet?" He squinted.

Sora's Shadow dropped to the ground, placing his hands on either side of Sora's knees. He leaned forward, keeping himself in not-quite Sora's personal space.

"We've lost contact with rar," he said, with a smirk.

"Oh." Sora's face went blank. He blinked a few times. "And you came to tell me?"

"More like… I came to bug you because she couldn't tell me no."

He smirked a little wider, running his tongue over the side of his lips.

Sora grimaced. "Oh…"

He scooted backwards a little. His Shadow immediately lunged forward, so he was nearly on top of Sora, and their noses were bumping together. Sora's breath quickened. His own heart started racing.

"Wh- what are you doing?" Sora stammered, leaning back as far as he could to put distance between them.

"Bugging you."

**and suddenly Sora's POV!**

"Well can you  _not?_ " Sora snapped, scrambling further backwards.

"What's the matter?" his Shadow laughed, inching closer.

"Y- you're freaking me out!" Sora gasped. It was hard to breathe, and he didn't like how his heart was racing, nor did he like the sly and way-too-pleased grin on his Shadow's face.

"Oh?"

In a flash Sora found himself pressed up against the wall, his Shadow's fist gripped around his shirt. Sora let out a groan of pain, but it was quickly lost. His Shadow pressed his other hand against his chest, pushing him into the wall.

"I'm just getting started…" his Shadow whispered, leaning in close so his mouth was by Sora's ear.

Sora's eyes went wide. "Let  _go_  of me!"

"Oh, so we're starting that now, are we?"

" _Starting!?_ "Sora tried to shove his Shadow off of him, liking this position a lot less than their previous one. "We- we don't even-  _you_ don't- I- I said  _let go_  of me!"

"Why?" His Shadow's voice was quiet, almost impossible to hear, except they were way too close to each other. He rested his forehead against Sora's cheek, his breath hot on Sora's neck. He chuckled, lightly. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

Sora squirmed under him.  _Yes_  he was uncomfortable.  _Yes._  Their proximity was  _weird_  not to mention  _unwanted_ , and the fact that it made his stomach get butterflies only made it  _worse._

His Shadow just laughed again, enjoying himself. He nuzzled his face against Sora's neck, and Sora went rigid, knees shaking. He bit his lip to avoid making any noise, but it was hard. This felt… nice. Except-  _no. No_ that was his  _Shadow._ The boy- being… person…  _thing_  that had repeatedly tried to drag him into darkness, beat him,  _hurt_ him. His face stung at the memory.

And now his Shadow was trying to…  _seduce_  him. Into darkness? Or he hoped that was going to be the end result of this if it continued, though nagging information in the back of his head told him otherwise.

"Wh- what's all this about, any- anyway?" he stammered, cringing. He couldn't even speak straight. Whatever his Shadow was planning on, he seemed to be succeeding. Between where his Shadow was and his warm breath and body heat and how Sora could feel  _his_  heart pounding through their chests—

Between that- between that and—no. It was entirely that. He couldn't think straight because of it and it was awful. He shouldn't be  _enjoying_  this—not that he really was. Exactly.

"Well, without rar here…" his Shadow murmured, pushing him harder into the wall and pressing their bodies together. "No one can stop me…"

"Maybe you should think twice about that."

Cloud pulled Sora's Shadow off of him, and Sora let out a sigh of relief, slumping to the ground. The air around him was easier to breathe. He wasn't pinned, his lungs weren't constricted, and his heart was—

" _I wasn't going to hurt him!_ " his Shadow screamed.

The scream pierced the air, pierced  _Sora,_  like an arrow to his heart or a blow to his stomach. He couldn't breathe again. Those six words had choked all the air from his lungs.

In that split-second following the scream he  _felt_  what his Shadow felt. He  _felt_  the fury and the  _pain_  at the fact that Cloud would even suggest such a thing as hurting Sora. Hurting  _him_. He  _felt_  the embarrassment and the anger at the fact that such words had even slipped from his Shadow's tongue. Because those were words he was  _not_  supposed to say  _not_  supposed to admit to and—

And underneath it all, Sora felt something else that made his stomach churn. Because buried underneath all those emotions was a slight hint of… no. It was absurd. His Shadow—the boy who laughed at him and mocked him and beat him and hurt him—couldn't possibly be capable of  _that_  emotion. Especially not towards  _him._  It was… absurd! It was…

Painful.

Sora clutched his chest.

Cloud was frowning down at Sora's Shadow, eyes narrowed in confusion. "Then…" he began, slowly. "If you…"

He didn't finish the question, but Sora had a good feeling he knew what it was. "If you wouldn't hurt Sora, then…  _what_?" What would a Shadow do if not hurt their host? Maybe Sora knew the answer to that question. He didn't want to though.

The sight of his Shadow bent over with his forehead touching the ground and his fists balled around the grass and  _shaking—_ it was too much. Too awful. Too painful. It made him want to retch. How could someone regret six words so much?

And if his Shadow really hadn't been intending on hurting him…

He didn't want to think about it.

And, thankfully, his Shadow vanished—disappeared from the world like he tended to do—so Sora didn't have to look at him anymore.

"I've never known a Shadow to…" Cloud began, sitting back down on his rock. Then he shook his head.

Sora didn't say anything. The less he dwelled on this, the better. If he didn't think about it, he couldn't admit that—no. He wouldn't think about it.

 

**aaaaaand back to Riku's side of things!**

Riku stopped his pacing at the distinct sound of a dark corridor opening. Just what he didn't need right now. Interruptions. He looked up to see who it was, and immediately scrunched his face in disgust. It was 37 and L.

"What are  _they_  doing here?" he asked.

"I was actually wondering the same thing," L said, crossing her arms and turning up her nose. "We're, what, ten chapters too early? Were we even  _supposed_  to show up for that?"

"Has Sora been to Disney Castle yet?" 37 asked. He looked as displeased to be here as L did.

"No," Riku replied.

"Then we shouldn't  _be_  here!" L said.

"I agree with you on that one…" Riku muttered. "Any reason why you  _are_  here?"

"Joseph said it was important," 37 answered, nodding at the boy.

Joseph shrugged. "I figured maybe if we started doing things we could get rar's attention?" he said, smiling sheepishly.

Riku groaned. "Joseph there are more effective ways to do that and  _we aren't even at this part yet!_ "

"So?" Joseph rolled his eyes. "What's the problem with getting it written sooner?"

"Rar was really looking forward to the Disney Castle sequence, though," Namine said, looking up from her drawing. "If we really want to get her attention then we should go tell Sora to get started with that."

"Have we lost contact with rar?" 37 asked, brow furrowed with suspicion.

"It's just a blip," Riku said, firmly. "She'll get back to us before the day is out. Maybe she's focusing on some notafic stuff or something. It wouldn't be the first time."

"But we've never  _completely_  lost contact with her!" Joseph argued, pouting.

"Wait, if rar's gone…" L said, slowly, then turned to 37. "We could always, y'know, just.  _Leave._ "

"Or I could kill you now," Riku suggested. "Get it over with."

They both sent him a really dirty look.

"Riku, no," Namine said, grabbing him by the arm. "You don't need to kill her."

"Well it's going to happen before Dead Inside's over," he replied. "I don't see the problem in getting it done with now."

"I do," L said, crinkling her nose.

"Besides, what happens when rar comes back?" 37 asked. "How would she respond to find out you'd killed L?"

"She'd understand." Riku chuckled. "Better than she would you two running off."

37 glared. "Ah… she'd have to find us first," he said.

"Pff! You can't hide from her!"

"Lexaeus has managed."

Riku opened his mouth to argue, then closed it. 37 had a point there…

"Regardless!" Namine said. "You two should go. Doesn't matter where, so long as you're not here."

"She has a point…" 37 said.

"What a waste of time," L groaned.

And they were gone.

"That  _really_  wasn't one of your best ideas, Joseph," Namine said, shooting a look at him. "It didn't take a lot of convincing to make them leave, but what if we hadn't been able to? What then?"

"I was  _hoping_  to get rar's attention!" Joseph replied, a whine creeping into his voice.

"What for?" I asked, yawning.

"Rar!" Riku exclaimed, immediately scooping me up in a hug. "I was so worried!"

I stood there for a second, a little confused, before returning the hug. "I was… just… at the Desolation of Smaug premiere?" I said, slowly.

"Oh," Namine said, then added: "He assumed the worst."

Riku let go of me. "Well-"

"You were  _just_  at a movie?" Joseph asked, face scrunched up in something between confusion and a pout. "But we  _completely_  lost contact with you!"

"Well, between hanging with friends, it being midnight, and being completely engrossed in a movie for two and a half hours…" I shrugged. "I dunno. Movies are really distracting though…"

"But we  _completely_  lost contact with you," Riku repeated. " _Completely._ "

I shrugged again. "Heck if I know! …nothing bad happened while I was gone, right?"

Riku, Namine, and Joseph exchanged looks before they all shook their heads.

"No, nothing bad!" Joseph said.

I frowned, not sure if I believed it. "Maybe I should check on Sora…"


	5. (AU/DI) Magik's Roxas and Xion end up in the wrong universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magik's Roxas and Xion end up bumping into my Roxas which has... slightly disastrous consequences. Could be canon because it was written to very deliberately not leave any lasting consequences on the plot of Dead Inside, but I chickened out of actually putting it in ASAS so into the scraps it goes.
> 
> Magik didn't actually help me write this.

Roxas glanced up, hearing the clear and sharp sound of Heartless being slain by a Keyblade. He groaned. “You gotta be kidding me!” he called, heading in that direction. “You’re the…” He took a second to count. _One… two, three—_ “Fourth person I’ve run into who can use a Keyblade! How many of you are there? Seriously, you’re putting me out of a job here!”

He paused, now that he’d gotten closer to this mystery person with a Keyblade. They actually weren’t that mysterious at all. In fact… they looked just like him.

“Wait a minute… you’re… Ven, right?” Roxas said.

The not-so-mysterious person looked at him, shook his head. “No. I’m Roxas,” he said.

Roxas frowned. “But… _I’m-_ ”

“Oh, I’m from a parallel universe,” the other Roxas explained, quickly. “That’s why you’re confused.”

“Parallel universe?” Roxas asked, even _more_ confused, now. No one had ever mentioned such a thing to him.

“Roxas, shush up!” a new voice—that was actually very familiar—called. A girl with black hair came over. She was probably with this other Roxas. But…

“We probably shouldn’t say too much to him,” she hissed.

“Why not?” the other Roxas said.

“He’s in an Organization cloak!” she replied, as if that explained everything.

“Oh.” The other Roxas’s eyes lit up. “Oh! So that means… is that even possible?”

“I think I remember something about their universe being behind ours.”

“Right. I ran into the Kairi from here, and she was hardly your age, so… that would make sense. But shouldn’t we tell him—”

“Are you kidding? We’d mess everything up. If he’s going to come to that conclusion, then he should—”

“But we’d be doing everyone else a favor!”

“But we shouldn’t be meddling! Isn’t that some sort of rule? ‘Don’t meddle with the affairs of other worlds.’ That would apply to other _universes_ as well!”

Roxas only listened to them argue with half an ear. His attention was fixed elsewhere. On the girl. This girl, talking to a parallel version of himself, she was… familiar. Her face. Her voice. The way she held herself. All familiar. Comfortable, even. He _knew_ her.

But… from where?

His mind was trying to tell him that it was just an illusion, that he really didn’t know her at all. But his heart—his heart was telling him otherwise. He _knew her._ He was becoming very certain of that.

But… how’d he know her?

And how’d he know her _so well?_

“I- I know you,” he said, finally. Maybe she could tell him.

She glanced up at him, smiling slightly and nodding. His heart stopped in his chest. _He knew that smile._

“Yes,” she said. “I’m Xion, but I’m not—”

“ _Xion_!” he repeated, shocked. The word was both foreign and painfully familiar on his tongue. He clutched his head. That name. _Her smile._ “I… I have _dreams_ about you.”

That was right. She was the girl in her dreams. The girl with a beautiful laugh and smile. The girl whose face he could never remember. The girl whose name he couldn’t place. Here she was, standing right in front of him.

“Hmm?”

She seemed a bit confused, though.

Then again, anyone probably would be if you came out and said you had dreams about them.

“Dreams. I- I remember you. I _know_ you!” Excitement was welling up inside of him. He knew her. He _remembered_ her. All those memories, suppressed within him—leaking only into his dreams—he recognized them. He recognized _her!_ And now the memories were flooding back to him—

He clutched his head with both hands. The rush of memories hurt. “Ah-!” he gasped, squeezing his eyes shut. It was hard to keep himself upright. He wanted to fall over. He hardly had the strength—or will—to stand anymore.

_“Roxas, let’s go to the beach someday!”_

_“Sure thing. Next time I have a day off!”_

_“Hey, what’s your goal for today?”_

_“Not sure. It’s pretty high.”_

_“Great! Bet you can’t kill 50 Heartless before I can!”_

_Her face. Her smile. Her laughter. The way she lit up, giggling like she was mad as they ran around killing Heartless. Cracking jokes at each other, teasing, competing. She would grin so widely as she swung her Keyblade, happy to be helping, happy to be of use—_

_Her Keyblade._

_“I can’t go on missions with you anymore.”_

_“What? Why not?”_

_“I- I can’t summon my Keyblade.”_

_“Don’t be ridiculous! Do you think I wouldn’t want you with me just because you can’t—”_

_“Roxas, you don’t understand. I’m a mistake. Doomed to fall apart from the beginning. If I go with you, I’ll only fall apart faster.”_

_“Xion…”_

_It wasn’t fair. None of it was fair. She was dying. She refused to ask for help; and someone could’ve helped cure her. Roxas knew plenty of medics. Medics that preferred to stay in C.O., too. They wouldn’t tell Saix._

_“We could run away together.”_

_He smiled down at her. He’d found her, weak, near death, in Twilight Town. Running from Saix. Running from a death she couldn’t avoid. She knew that. He knew that. But he wouldn’t give up like she had._

_“Very funny, Roxas.”_

_She laughed slightly and smiled weakly back at him._

_“I mean it. We can find a way to fix you, and then run away together.”_

_She only stared at him, shocked. She opened her mouth to speak—_

_“You need to go! That’s Saix! He’s found me!”_

_“Let’s both go!!”_

_“No, Roxas. I’m done. I’m not running anymore.”_

_“He’ll kill you!”_

_“I was going to die anyway.”_

_“But-”_

_“Go, Roxas!! He’ll kill you if he sees you with me!”_

_He couldn’t save her. He should’ve just picked her up and dragged her with him; he just didn’t have the heart. Not to save her. Not to protect her. Not even to stand up for her when Saix found her, and killed her._

He screamed.

“ _Saaaaaiiiixx!!_ I will _kill him!!_ ”

He summoned his Keyblade to him, got back to his feet, and started forward—

He stumbled. Something was wrong with his head.

_Xion._

_Killed by Saix._

_Saix._

_In charge of the Replica Program._

_The Program…_

_Riku._

“Roxas, calm down,” Xion—the other Xion—called.

He hardly heard her. Everything in his mind had settled. “No,” he said, getting to his feet again. “It’s all his fault. It’s all Riku’s fault.”

“Wait, hold up!” the other Roxas said, pausing him. “How is this Riku’s fault? You just said it was Saix’s.”

“If it wasn’t for Riku, Saix wouldn’t have the Program,” Roxas explained, coating his words with venom. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. If it wasn’t for Riku—“ _If it wasn’t for Riku, Xion wouldn’t be dead!!_ ” he roared, summoning his second Keyblade to him.

 

**~swaps out of my Roxas’s POV and into magik’s Roxas’s,**

“Oh he’s pissed,” Roxas sighed.

“ _Really?_ ” Xion said, sarcastically. “How could you tell?”

“He summoned a second—” Roxas paused. “Oh. That was sarcasm.”

Xion rolled her eyes. “We need to stop him!” she said.

They were lucky he hadn’t really gone far. He was still ranting about how it was all Riku’s fault, swinging his Keyblades about angrily. In fact, they were _really_ lucky he hadn’t just formed a dark corridor and left already.

“You just said we shouldn’t meddle--”

“ _Yes!_ ” Xion sighed, exasperated. “I know. But this is a mess _we_ made! The least we can do, is clean it up.”

Roxas threw his hands up in surrender. “Alright, alright,” he said. “And you have a point… Him going after Riku probably isn’t a good idea. If the Riku here is anything like the Riku in our universe, well…” He grimaced. “Yeah. He’s not going to survive that. Roxas isn’t. But how do we stop him?”

Xion considered it a moment. “Hmm… don’t get mad at me,” she said.

Roxas looked at her, taken aback. “For what?”

Xion launched herself at the other Roxas and tackled him to the ground.

“Get off!!” he shouted.

“Roxas, please, listen to me!” Xion said, ignoring him. “This isn’t a good idea.”

“But Riku—”

“You can’t blame Riku for something Saix did,” Roxas said.

“ _Get off me!!_ ” the other Roxas shouted, not listening at all.

Xion threw a glance at Roxas, but didn’t take her attention off of the Roxas that she had pinned beneath her for longer than she had to. “Get his Keyblades from him,” she said.

Roxas nodded, and tried to grab one of the Keyblades—Oathkeeper, he recognized it as—out of the other Roxas’s hand. However, the other Roxas refused to let go, and then he threw Xion off of him. He turned and brought his other Keyblade—Oblivion, it was, of course it was—down on Roxas. Roxas had just enough time to summon his own Keyblade—which was also Oblivion, funnily enough—to block the blow.

“You won’t stop me!” the other Roxas said, bringing Oathkeeper down. He then raised Oblivion and brought it down again, then alternated them, crashing them against Roxas’s Keyblade in rapid succession.

“Oh, hey, I recognize this attack,” Roxas laughed to himself. Not sure of how to block it, and knowing that if he didn’t do something this would end with him losing his own Keyblade, Roxas ducked and rolled out of the way before a Keyblade could come crashing down on his head. He swung at the other Roxas, but that was blocked, as was the next attack.

“Oh, this is ridiculous,” Xion groaned, summoning her Keyblade to her. She came up behind the other Roxas and bashed him over the head with the hilt of her Keyblade. He crumpled to his knees, dropped his Keyblades (which both vanished), and then fell flat on his face, out cold.

Roxas let out a long breath. “Now what do we do with him?” Roxas asked, banishing his own Keyblade.

“I don’t know…” Xion said, sighing. She hadn’t thought this far. She banished her own Keyblade, too. “That change in personality was really abrupt, though; from wanting to kill Saix to wanting to kill Riku.” She knelt down to this other Roxas, thinking. The change really _was_ abrupt. Too abrupt. It was almost like—

She took a sharp breath in. “He’s a Replica!”

“What?”

“This Roxas,” she explained, gesturing at him. “He’s a Replica! He must be! I recognize the way his thoughts shifted—I’ve had it happen to me before!! He must’ve been Programed to, the moment he got the urge to go after Saix or anything similar, decide he wanted to go after Riku, instead. It’s just like the Organization to do that. Especially since, if I remember correctly, Riku’s been quite a pain in their butt here.”

“And so they’d want to harness this Roxas’s anger and pain concerning Xion’s death and direct it at Riku,” Roxas said, nodding. It did make sense. “But why couldn’t he remember you? Her. Xion.”

“They must’ve made him forget.” Xion shrugged. “Rewrote him, after she died, probably. They wanted a Keyblade wielder, and it wouldn’t be any good if their only wielder was too upset to collect hearts for them anymore.”

“Heh, nope,” Roxas said, laughing slightly. He knew that as well as Xion did. He knelt down next to the other Roxas—the Roxas Replica—and sighed. He looked so peaceful, now that he was out cold. “Do you think if we just leave him here, he’ll forget all about it by the time he wakes up?”

Xion thought about it, then shook her head. “I wouldn’t count on it.”

“So what do we do, then? We can’t just let him go after Riku…”

“Mmm… I don’t think taking him to our universe is a good idea, and I don’t know of anyone here who would be safe to take him to.”

“Castle Oblivion? There’s got a be a Vexen Replica who can—”

“I think Riku’s in Castle Oblivion,” Xion interrupted. “So, it might be best if we don’t take him there. Keep him away from Riku, and all.”

Roxas nodded.

They thought about it a moment more. Who else was there to go to? Then they looked at each other, the idea crossing their heads at the same time.

“Axel.”

“Where would we find him, though?” Roxas asked.

“Ah… the World that Never Was, probably,” Xion said.

Roxas grimaced. “Not sure if it’s safe to go there… we stand out.”

“Ugh, pity I don’t have any Organization cloaks on me,” Xion said. She groaned. “Life was so much simpler when we were just always wearing them…”

Roxas raised his eyebrows. “Simpler?”

Xion rolled her eyes. “In terms of clothing choice and fitting in.”

Roxas chuckled, and then thought a bit more. “We could… go to his room.” He nodded at the other Roxas. “I’m sure he has a few spare Organization cloaks in his closet. We could steal some.”

Xion nodded. “Alright. How are we getting there?”

“Uh… I’m not sure if I could trust a star shard to keep us in the right universe,” Roxas said. “Nor am I sure how well that would work—we have to carry him, so activating it might be hard…”

“Dark corridor?” Xion said. Then she frowned. “Oh, but… you shouldn’t be—”

“Can’t hurt me once or twice, can it?” Roxas said, laughing.

Xion smiled. “Right.” She reached out and formed a dark corridor. “Let’s just hope that’s the right universe.”

 

 

Thankfully, from the looks of things, it was indeed the right universe. Roxas said that, while it looked like his room, it certainly wasn’t his room. There would be more dust. And he didn’t have a desk. And, when he went to the closet to get them cloaks, and there were cloaks there, he was certain it wasn’t his room—Sora had raided his closet a while back when he had been in need of a cloak. Roxas pulled a cloak off the hanger and tossed it to Xion, then pulled out another for himself.

“I hope this fits alright,” Xion said, as she slipped the cloak on.

“At worst, it’ll be big for you,” Roxas assured her. “Besides, I think these things change to fit their wearer.”

“For your sake, I hope they do. That looks like it might be kind of small.”

The cloaks fit them just fine, however.

“Might want to keep your hood up,” Roxas said. “If anyone sees your face—well, that’d be fun to explain, considering your dead here.”

Xion nodded and pulled her hood up. She shivered slightly. “Ooh, been a while since I’ve done this.” She quickly pulled the hood down, turning to Roxas. “I’m still me, right?”

He gave her a funny look, then nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

She shrugged, and pulled the hood up again. “Sorry, it’s just last time I wore my hood up, I was going through an identity crisis.” She chuckled. “Stop worrying, Roxas, it was more of a joke than anything else.” She turned to the other Roxas, who was still out cold; they’d moved him to his bed, though. “Do we leave him here?”

“Why don’t you stay with him,” Roxas said, after thinking about it for a moment. “I’ll go look for Axel. That way, if I run into anyone, they’ll just think I’m this universe’s Roxas.”

“Got it. Don’t take too long!”

“I won’t,” Roxas said, heading out of the room.

 

 

He checked the Grey Area first, but Axel wasn’t there. He hadn’t really expected him to be. Had he the ability to form dark corridors, Roxas might’ve taken time to check the clock tower, but he couldn’t form dark corridors, and didn’t want to accidently end up in the wrong universe, anyway.

He started walking through the World that Never Was, ignoring all people that he passed. He passed a lot of them, too. The Vexen Replicas all ignored him. He, unfortunately, bumped into Larxene—who he assumed he was a Replica, considering everyone else seemed to be—but she only called him a jerk before starting off again. There was no sign of any other Organization members, thankfully. And no Axel.

“Ah, Roxas!” someone called.

Roxas stopped, dread filling him.

 _Don’t freak out!_ he told himself. _Play it cool. Can’t let them know that you’re not the Roxas you think you are. It’s okay. Talk a little. You can do this._

He turned to find Vexen—probably a Replica, like the rest—heading towards him.

“I trust you’ve finished with your missions for today,” the Vexen said, folding his arms over his chest.

“Just finished,” Roxas said, with a nod. He started walking again.

“Where are you going?” the Vexen asked, sounding very skeptical.

“To find Axel,” he replied, stopping only to glance back at the Vexen. Hopefully they wouldn’t ask anymore of him. He continued walking in hopes to prevent that.

To Roxas’s immense relief, Axel—the one of this universe—was just down the hall. “Axel, thank goodness I found you!” Roxas called, running to cross the distance between them. “I was afraid I’d be looking all day.”

Axel stared at him, looking a bit confused. He must’ve sensed something was up. “Roxas?”

“I’m from the other universe,” Roxas said, before Axel could be any more confused. “And I need your—” He stopped, as Axel had suddenly grabbed him by the shoulders. The look in Axel’s eyes was fierce.

“You didn’t run into anyone, did you?” he asked, urgently.

Roxas shook his head. “No- no one, really. I ran into Larxene, but she ignored me, and there was a Vexen Replica—”

“What did you say to him!?”

“Uhm,” Roxas struggled for words, slightly shocked by all this, “He asked me if I’d finished with my missions—or, your Roxas’s missions—and I told him yes. Then I said I was going to find you.”

Axel let go of him, looking a bit relieved, but still worried. “Alright. That shouldn’t get us into any trouble.” He shot Roxas a stern look. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I ended up in the wrong universe, and—” He frowned, realizing something. “What do you mean, ‘get us in trouble’?”

Axel sighed. “That Vexen Replica you ran into? That was 26. He’s in charge of looking after Roxas here, now that he’s- well, that’s beside the point. If you had given him _any_ reason to believe that you weren’t this Roxas—or you were but there was something off with you—both you and this Roxas would be in trouble! And don’t even get me started on what would happen if the Organization found out about the parallel universe! You should go home before you mess anything up.”

“That’s just it…” Roxas said, slowly, glancing down. “I ran into your Roxas, and something went wrong with him.”

That got Axel’s attention. “Something went wrong?”

Roxas nodded. “Yeah, he’s… uhm, well, he’s unconscious right now—” He grimaced, not sure how to explain all this. “Why don’t you come with me, and we’ll explain?”

“We?” Axel repeated. “Roxas is… _who else is with you?_ ”

“Just come with me!”

 

 

“Oh thank goodness you’re here!!” Xion said, sounding very much relieved, when Roxas and Axel entered the room. “He woke up while you were gone and I had to knock him out again.” She gestured to where the Roxas Replica now lay; on the ground. “I couldn’t get him back into his bed.” She looked Roxas directly in the eye. “You’re heavy.”

Roxas rolled his eyes.

Axel first stared at the still-unconscious Roxas, then turned to Xion. “Xion!?” he asked, much more surprised than he was about Roxas.

She nodded. “From the other universe, too. Roxas, can I take my hood off?”

“Yeah. We’ll have enough explaining to do on the off chance someone does see us,” Roxas said. “I mean, there’s already two Roxases in one room. I don’t see how a Xion will cause any confusion that hasn’t already been caused.”

Xion pulled off her hood. “Did Roxas explain everything to you, Axel?” she asked.

Axel shook his head. “I couldn’t think of how to explain it,” Roxas said. “You seemed to know what was going on better than I did; besides, who knows who might’ve been eavesdropping!” He quickly shut the door.

“So what happened?” Axel asked.

“Roxas remembered me,” Xion said. “Well, the Xion from your universe. And once he did, he started off, all angry and prepared to kill Saix, but then he decided to go after Riku, and we stopped him, thinking that probably wasn’t a good idea. Then we weren’t sure what to do, so we brought him here and decided to ask you.” She shrugged. “Also, I have reason to believe that he was programmed to want to kill Riku, if he were to remember Xion. Being a Replica myself, it- uh- it’s what it looked like—when he changed his mind from wanting to kill Saix to kill Riku. And I wouldn’t put it past Xemnas to do that.”

Axel buried his face in his hands. “You just had to meddle, didn’t you?” he muttered.

“Hey! It’s not my fault!” Xion protested. “How was I supposed to know that he had suppressed memories inside of him that would awaken the moment he saw my face?”

“You could’ve left the moment you got here!”

“We came here by _accident!_ And by the time we realized we were in the wrong universe, it was too late!! He’d already seen me.”

Axel let out a frustrated breath. He opened his mouth to say more—

“Stop it, both of you,” Roxas interrupted. “We aren’t going to get anywhere arguing, and Xion and I shouldn’t be here any longer than we have to be; let’s figure out what to do and get it done!”

“There’s nothing we can do,” Axel said, plainly.

“There has to be something, Axel,” Xion replied.

“Yeah, there has to be! We can’t just let him go after Riku, he’ll get himself killed!” Roxas added.

Axel shook his head. “You need to go home; there will be more trouble than we need to deal with if you’re discovered.”

“But Roxas—”

“Do you think Xemnas finding out about a parallel universe is a good idea?” Axel asked.

“Of course we don’t, Axel,” Roxas said. “But we want to help—”

“Listen, I’ll talk him out of it once he wakes up,” Axel said. “Problem solved.”

“Problem _not_ solved!” Xion said, firmly. “You _can’t_ talk a Replica out of something that they’ve been programmed to do. Trust me. They have to have some serous self-control to resist it—it’s really lucky _I_ didn’t-” She stopped, shook her head. “We just wanted to help fix a mess we made.”

“And that’s kind of you,” Axel sad. “But there’s nothing you can do to help.”

“Can’t _we_ rewrite him?” Roxas asked. “I mean, all we’d have to do is make it so he’s not programmed to want to kill Riku anymore.”

“We don’t have a Program,” Axel replied. “We’d be in a lot of trouble if we tried to use the one here, and the one in Castle Oblivion doesn’t work anymore.” He laughed, bitterly. “Which is my own darn fault. If I’d just let them keep the external—not that they have the passwords…”

“Where can we get those things?” Roxas said. “If we get them, then we can take Roxas to Castle Oblivion and rewrite him.”

Axel thought about it for a second, and finally, he nodded. “Alright. Xion, how good are you at hacking computers?”

She shrugged. “Not terrible,” she said. “Then again, Vexen made it really easy in our universe… But I can try.” She smiled, mischievously. “What do you need me to do?”

“Change the passwords to the Replica Program. Or, at the very least, figure out what they are. We can’t do anything without those passwords.”

Xion nodded. “Got it.”

Axel smiled. “I’ll get the external. Roxas, you can stay here and make sure Roxas doesn’t do anything.”

“Aw, why do you get to do all the cool stuff…?” Roxas muttered.

“Are you any good with computers?” Xion asked.

Roxas sighed. She had a point. “Nah.”

“And I’m getting the external because it’s in a place where it’s likely I’ll run into someone,” Axel said.

“But what if someone comes to check on him?” Roxas asked. “How will I explain what happened? Or why I’m here? Or—”

Axel groaned. “Fine! I’ll stay with him! You can get the external.” He turned to Xion. “Okay, Xion, you’ll be safest going to 37’s office. Hopefully, he won’t be anywhere near it. I’d send you to the Computer Room itself, but it’s locked, corridor-proofed, and I don’t have a key…”

“I have Keyblade,” Xion said. “It should open any lock, right?”

Axel stared at her. “Yeah, it should. Do that, then. You know where to find the Computer Room?”

“Is it in the same place it’s in in the other universe?”

“Most likely.”

“Then I got it.”

Axel turned to Roxas. “The external is- well, if you take…” He frowned. “I can’t explain where the room is.”

“Can you just form a dark corridor for me?”

“Sure,” Axel said. “Once you’re in the room, the external is either plugged into the computer or in one of the desk drawers. The external is black, rectangle, about this big:” He made the rough size of the external with his fingers. “Should be the only external. If it’s not, eh, just grab all of them. Better safe than sorry.”

Roxas nodded. “You got it!”

Axel looked between the two of them, sternly. “Now, keep your hoods up, don’t talk to anyone, and if anyone sees you, get out of there as quickly as possible. They’ll just assume you’re from the Rebellion and shouldn’t cause you much trouble.”

Xion and Roxas nodded, understanding. Then Xion’s face fell.

“Ah… the Computer Room is corridor-proofed, though.”

“You can have my star shard!” Roxas said.

“But you can’t form dark corridors,” she argued. “How will you get anywhere?”

Roxas grinned. “I’ll just make a run for it. Besides, I’m sure I’ll be in less trouble seen going after the external than you’ll be if you’re seen hacking the Organization’s computer.”

“Point taken.” Xion held out her hand for the star shard. Roxas gave it to her.

“Don’t get caught,” Axel warned. “I can’t get you out of the mess you’ll make if you do.” Axel opened a dark corridor next to him. “Roxas, go. Xion?”

Xion formed a dark corridor around herself, probably to take her as close to the computer as possible. Roxas stepped through the corridor Axel had formed for him. Axel sighed, closed the corridor, and then picked up Roxas—his Roxas—and put him back on his bed.

 

 

Axel wasn’t quite sure how much time had passed. But it’d been at least five minutes since he’d sent Xion and Roxas—from the other universe—to go retrieve the passwords an external. Neither of them had returned.

And to make things worse, someone knocked on the door.

Axel said nothing, hoping whoever it was would go away. However, upon not receiving an answer, whoever it was decided to just come in.

It was 26.

He said nothing for a moment, looking between Axel and Roxas.

“Were you meddling?” he asked, sternly, having figured everything out.

Axel groaned. “I just… I just knocked him out, alright?” Axel asked. “C’mon, what’s wrong with that? No harm done.”

“Fine. But when he wakes up, you will not interfere.”

“But he can’t go after Riku!” Axel said. “He’ll get himself killed!”

“That’s not my problem,” 26 replied, simply.

“Does Xemnas know about this?” Axel asked.

26 glared, skeptical, but shook his head.

“Then we can just fix Roxas; you can make him forget everything gain, keep him from wanting to go after Riku for a while… no harm done.” Axel shrugged. “I don’t think Xemnas will be incredibly happy with losing his Keyblade wielder already, anyway, so it’d be better this way.”

26 didn’t say anything.

“He’s still out cold. We can rewrite him before he wakes up. Xemnas doesn’t need to know.”

“Fine,” 26 agreed. “But don’t think I’m doing you a favor—I just don’t want to deal with Xemnas when he finds out he’s lost his Keyblade wielder and Riku’s still a threat.”

 

 

_A few minutes later, in the Editing Room_

 

Axel stood off to the side, watching as 26 went about rewriting Roxas. He felt a bit bad. But… Xion and Roxas from the other universe seemed to have failed—they’d probably been nearly caught and headed home. Which was fine. Better this than having the Organization finding out about the other universe. That had disaster written all over it.

Of course, it wasn’t long before someone arrived via star shard, somewhat violently. It was Xion. It had to be—no one else would be wearing an Organization cloak, arrive by star shard, and be so small. She really was small. Thankfully, she had her hood up, though, so 26 couldn’t recognize her.

That didn’t stop her from seeing her. He glanced up from his work, and just stared at her.

Axel did his best to suppress any reaction. It was surprisingly hard to do despite his lack of a heart. He wanted to scream at Xion, tell her to go, or at the very least mutter under his breath about how terrible her timing was.

Xion just took one look around the room, and, most likely understanding what was going on, said “Oh,” and activated the star shard. She was gone.

“Who was that?” 26 said, turning to Axel.

“I don’t know,” Axel said.

“Someone from the Rebellion?”

Axel shrugged. “Like I’d know! They don’t trust me anymore, remember?”

26 frowned, still skeptical, but returned to his work. Hopefully he wouldn’t try and look any farther into it. Axel started racking his brain for excuses, just in case.

 

 

Xion landed next to Roxas, and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself down.

“Oh good,” Roxas said, not looking up. “I could really use some help. I’ve dug through every drawer and I can’t find the external Axel’s talking about.” He looked up at Xion, then, and noticed just how out of breath she was. “You okay?”

“I nearly got caught. Twice.”

“Yikes!” Roxas said. He close the drawer he was looking through, and straightened. “Well, should we go back to Axel then and say this plan was a bust? Or did you get those passwords?”

Xion shook her head. “Didn’t have time. It took me ages to get into the computer itself, and then I heard someone coming…”

“So… we’ll go back to Axel and tell him that this plan was a bust, then?” Roxas asked.

“Axel’s got it covered,” Xion said.

“He does?”

“Yeah. He found a Vexen Replica and they’re fixing Roxas.”

Roxas scoffed. “Yeah, rewriting him to do the Organization’s bidding all over again, you mean,” he said.

Xion shrugged, helplessly. “We should probably just go. Roxas is taken care of. Everything’s gone back to normal.” She turned to Roxas. “I really think it would be best if we just went home now.”

“Alright,” Roxas said. He didn’t even look like he wanted to argue. He did pause and tug at the Organization cloak he was wearing, though. “Should we return these?”

“I think the sooner we’re out of here, the better,” Xion replied. “He’ll have to do without.”

Roxas nodded, and grabbed Xion’s hand. “Home it is, then,” he said, pulling down his hood so she could see him smiling at her. She seemed a bit unnerved, still, and he wanted to comfort on her. “Imagine what a story this will make, when we get back!”

Xion laughed at that, and pulled her own hood down. “Imagine what _Axel_ will say,” she said.

Roxas laughed. “Let’s get going and find out!”

Xion slowly grinned, and activated the star shard to take them home.


	6. DIch125 original draft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is one of only a handful of Dead Inside chapters I kept the pre-edits version of, and this is probably also the only one that will see the light of day! The new DIch125 is significantly better (that pinky promise kills me every time) but this version is still _good_. Plus there are, uh, a couple of thoughts Shad thinks in this that ended up getting cut when I made edits?? I'm almost positive I worked those things in other places, otherwise I wouldn't have let 'em go, but. yannoooo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also I just realized that this is where the "not human enough to bleed" thing first came up and honestly it was a Good Gag I was very sad to see go

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" he shouted, catching sight of what the wolf was doing. It had Kairi pinned to the ground. Though, Kairi didn't look very scared. She didn't  _feel_ very scared, either (he would've noticed if she did).

Enough about whether or not Kairi was scared.

The wolf seemed very likely to be about ready to bite her head off, and Sora's Shadow couldn't have that.

Though, there was a part of him that argued that if the wolf killed Kairi, then he could drag Sora into darkness no problem. However, it didn't matter what that part of him argued, because he was already wrestling the wolf off of Kairi. It tried to bite at him, only pausing to say:

'But she's  _light!_ '

See, even the wolf thought was a good idea to kill her.

"I know she is!" he hissed. "But that doesn't mean you have to-" The wolf finally succeeded in biting him, and he screamed in pain and then started shouting profanities at it.

Boy, he was not in a good mood.

He couldn't find Sora.

His hold on Kairi hadn't lasted, and he was still bitter about that.

And his insides were conflicting about whether or not killing Kairi was a good idea, which definitely didn't make him feel any better.

He was in the middle of trying to convince himself that he needed Kairi, because she might help him find Sora, when the wolf attacked him. He swore at it again and kicked it, though kicking it really didn't do him any good. It bit his leg, and he had to wrestle it off. He whacked it on the nose a few times, but that did nothing but anger it, and it soon had him pinned to the ground.

"Bad dog!" he screamed, awfully sick of ending up in this position. Frustrated, he summoned darkness to him and used it to throw the wolf off of him. It flew through the air, landed, and then skidded through the sand for quite a few feet before finally stopping. It whimpered in pain, but didn't move to get back up.

Sora's Shadow sighed and pushed himself to his feet. "Sorry about that," he said, dusting himself off. He gave Kairi a worried look. "You aren't hurt, are you?"

She shook her head. "Just a bit scared," Kairi replied. "Thanks for saving me."

A bit scared?

That was almost an overstatement.

He didn't know what to think about that, so he just told her that saving her had been nothing.

"Hey!" Kairi's voice sounded very much like she had just realized something. "It's  _you_! You're that hallucination boy that I kept talking to on the Islands—well—you're obviously not a hallucination."

He could feel her nervousness.

_What, is she afraid she'll upset me or something?_

"You had your doubts?" he asked, deciding to humor her.

"Hmm, you try talking to someone you can't see and only you can hear," she replied. The sarcasm was so thick in her voice that it could've choked him.

He scowled.

"I could do without the sarcasm…"

"You aren't hurt, are you?" she asked, quickly. He could feel her worry. Worry towards  _him._  That was an odd feeling. He'd never had anyone worry about him, let alone a girl. Certainly never Kairi…

He shook his head to clear that thought.

"I'm fine," he assured her.

She wasn't convinced.

"You aren't lying, are you?"

He rolled his eyes. He was beginning to think that he didn't really like having a girl worry about him. "No, trust me, I'm not even bleeding, and the pain will go away… sometime. I'm not human enough to bleed."

"What are you, then, if you aren't human?"

"I- uh-"

_Shit!_

_Idiot, why'd you have to go and say that?_

_What's it about Kairi that just makes me spew the first thing that comes to mind, huh? Does Sora get this way around her, too? Damn. It's annoying._

"I have no clue. I just sort of… exist."

' _Sort of exist'?_

_Was that SERIOUSLY the best that you could come up with?_

_You could've said you were a ghost._

_Or an invisible vampire._

_Or something better than 'sort of exist'._

To make things worse, now that damn wolf was laughing at him. He shot a glare over at it, then turned back to Kairi.

"Anyway, uh, sorry about the wolf," he said. "I'd say it's not usually like this, but it's been a pain in my-"

_Can't say ass…_

"Uh- neck ever since I decided to get him. I thought: 'Oh, a tracking wolf, I could use you!' And then it turns out to be a lazy, useless failure who's done nothing but take me where I  _don't_  need to be and attack me." He threw another glare over at it.

It grinned.

"It's okay," Kairi said.

She turned away slightly, obviously thinking about something. He wished he could read  _her_  thoughts, but he had to settle with sensing emotions. She seemed a bit upset… probably thinking about Sora or something stupid like that.

Sora's Shadow was very surprised to find these words leaving his lips:

"Are you okay?"

He wanted to clap his hand over his mouth or something, but that would be stupid.

But why had he asked that?

Did he care?

He didn't particularly like seeing Kairi upset, no, but what was he supposed to do to fix it? Why bring it up?

And he had confused her, too, because she hadn't been doing anything to tip him off towards the fact that she was upset. The only reason he even knew was because he could sense emotions, and-

"You, just, seem upset, that's all," he said, quickly, hoping to cover himself before things went wrong. "At least, I think." He glanced around, trying to look confused, though it occurred to him that it didn't do him any good. Oh well, the confused tone carried to his voice, at least. "Human emotions confuse me…"

No they didn't, of course.

But not being human could play to his advantage if he worked this right. He was glad he had mentioned it to Kairi, though he still wished he could've come up with something better than 'sort of exist'.

"I'm just…" Kairi began, but paused. "Looking for someone. Sora." She turned to him. "I mentioned Sora, right?"

_Not often, but it's not like it matters, since I'm his Shadow and can't NOT know who he is._

"Yeah."

"I finally decided I wanted to find him again. So I'm looking for him."

_That would explain why she's here, and not on the Islands._

_I had wondered…_

_Somehow I didn't bother asking…_

"Haven't found him yet, I gather," he said.

She shook her head, though it didn't seem like she was confirming his statement. She seemed too… not-agreeing. He didn't know what to call it, but it definitely didn't feel like she was agreeing with him. It felt like she wanted to agree, but couldn't, and didn't like the fact that she couldn't—

"That's not the problem."

She didn't have to say that for him to figure that out.

It didn't stop him from being surprised, though.

"You found him!?"

_How the hell did she manage to find Sora?_

_The connection between me and him is much stronger than the connection between him and her!_

_And how did I miss him!?_

_He can't have left that long ago!_

_Damn, I should've stayed through that stupid sandstorm._

_But, wait a minute, if she found him…_

_He's not here._

_He should be here._

_If she found him, he should be here right now. Unless he ran. The idiot probably ran._

_But that's a good thing._

_If he ran, that means that I can find him._

_Still…_

"Why are you upset, then?"

"He… hid from me…" she said, slowly. He didn't like the tone in her voice. He didn't like the fear that was rising up within her. She wasn't scared when faced with the wolf, so why did Sora hiding scare her? "And I- I don't know why he would do that. I- We trust each other, or I thought we did. Even if he was scared to face me, I- I wouldn't imagine that he would  _hide._ "

She seemed so frantic.

So upset.

And so  _scared._

He hated it.

And he hated that he hated it.

"He's… had some trouble with the darkness, hasn't he?" he found himself saying.

"How do you know that?" she asked, skeptical.

_Oh shit, can't let her know I'm his Shadow…_

_Not that me knowing he's fallen into darkness—_

_Why the hell am I worrying about this?_

"You mentioned something about it," he told her. Hopefully she wouldn't press the matter.

She didn't.

"Maybe… the darkness made him hide," he continued. "It was scared, because it knew that you could save him, and it didn't want that. So it made him hide, so that you couldn't find him. So that you couldn't save him."

It made perfect sense, of course. His darkness made him hide, and then made him run, so that Kairi couldn't save him, and that's why he wasn't here now.

"I don't know why it only made him hide, though… There are a million other ways it could've pushed you away…"

_Hiding seems awfully… tame, considering what his darkness has a habit of doing._

_Why didn't he lash out at you?_

_Scream and tell you that he hated you and never wanted to see your face again before running away?_

_That would've been certainly been more effective._

"Like what?" she asked.

"I think you know quite a few of them," he replied, hardly even thinking about it.

_If it had made him say that he hated her, or convinced her that he was a monster with no hope of being saved – and I know it could've done either – she'd give up trying to find him._

_She'd—_

_Shit._

_That was…_

_Hope._

Hope was rising up within Kairi; he could feel it.

And to make things worse—

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"You've given me hope again."

 _He_ was the one who gave it to her.

_Dammit!_

He wanted to strangle something.

_How the hell could you just go and give her hope like that, you idiot!? What the hell is wrong with you!? Why'd you even say ANYTHING to make the situation better? You should've just left it be! What would it matter if she was upset?_

_And more importantly; why couldn't I stop myself from talking!?_

_It just came out of my mouth—I didn't even mean to say most of that! It was stupid to say! Idiot, idiot, idiot!_

_Of course she's going to gain hope if you go and tell her things like that!_

"No problem," he told her, though his teeth were firmly clenched.

"Are you okay?"

_Me?_

_Why is she asking me if I'm okay?_

He laughed.

"Of course I'm okay! Why wouldn't I be?"

Why wasn't he as sure of that statement as he normally would be?

"You seem kind of… bothered, that's all," Kairi said. "Sorry."

"I-"

_Sora._

He frowned.

_Why am I thinking about him?_

_What's he got to do with anything?_

_I'm not upset that I can't find him – angry, yeah – but I'm more upset about the fact that I just friggin gave Kairi hope and—_

_And…_

_Sora._

As much as he hated to admit it, he felt kind of empty without Sora's random thoughts pounding around in the back of his mind. He wanted to reach out and try and find that connection again, but he knew that it would do him no good. The connection wasn't there, it wasn't—

"I'm looking for someone, too," he told Kairi.

He wasn't sure why he was telling her.

But maybe he'd feel better.

"A…"

_Oh, what to call him?_

_Brother?_

_Ugh._

"Friend of mine…"

_God, I hate having to say that. I should've gone with brother. You can be related to a brother without being close or remotely friendly to them._

"Well, not that you can really call someone who'd shove you off a cliff if presented the chance, a friend – but I'd do the same to him, too. And I'd laugh at him. But, so as not to complicate things, he's my friend. Besides, there's this connection between us that allows us to share thoughts, so we kind of have to put up with each other."

_Not really._

_But I want to mention the connection._

_I want to tell Kairi how empty I feel without it._

_Not that she can fix it…_

He was being irrational, he knew that.

"Share thoughts?" Kairi asked.

_She wants to know._

_I can tell her…_

_I could—_

_"_ It's complicated. _"_ He wave the matter aside.

_I should've told her._

_Maybe it would make this… is that pain? There's a… pain, in my chest._

_Is it because I'm not connected to Sora?_

_That's absurd!_

_Why did I just notice it now, anyway?_

_And… why does it hurt so much?_

He didn't like this pain. He didn't like pain at all, and the fact that not being close to Sora was causing him pain made it even worse. He didn't need Sora. He couldn't.

"Why are you looking for him?" Kairi asked, drawing his attention away from the pain.

"It's… sort of my job," he said, unable to come up with anything else. "Be much easier if he'd stop avoiding me…"

_Be much easier if I hadn't lost connection with him…_

Kairi laughed. "I'll bet."

He couldn't help but smile, too. "Tell me about it!"

_And this pain…_

_I want it to go away._

_It goes away, just a little, if I can laugh with Kairi._

_Maybe I should tell her…_

_Maybe she could help me like I helped her._

_Not that I meant to help her…_

_But this pain!_

The wolf jumped to its feet; growling. He knew what that meant. Someone was coming. And, from the feel of things, it was Tifa. Great.

"Your friend Tifa's coming, I better get going!" he said, trying to maintain his composure.

"Why?"

He stared, surprised.

"You  _really_  want her to know that you've been having conversations with some invisible boy?"

Kairi grimaced and shook her head.

"And, more importantly, me and Tifa had a run-in a while back. She doesn't think too highly of me. Be best if we didn't cross paths again." He turned to the wolf, waving it over. "C'mon you lazy wolf! Get over here!"

The wolf came, though it took its sweet time about it. He held his hand out to it, and it took it gently in its mouth. Slowly, they started forward.

"Why are you doing that?"

He paused and turned to Kairi. "Hmm?"

The wolf bit his hand to show its annoyance, but he ignored it.

"Why is the wolf leading you?" Kairi clarified. "Or is this usually how you do things?"

"I, uh-"

_Should I bother?_

Most of him was nagging 'no', saying that he had wasted enough time here as it was. But some faint part of him was shouting an enthusiastic 'yes!' for some reason. Not entirely sure why, he listened to the latter part of him.

"I mentioned I was looking for my friend, didn't I?"

"Yeah," she said.

"Well… that's why I got the wolf," he explained. "So it could take me to where he is. I mean, normally, I'd just teleport straight to him, but…"

_But I lost connection with him._

_I don't know where he is…_

_I…_

_I could tell her._

_I could tell Kairi._

Why was he so excited about that?

"But I… don't actually know where he is," he said, quietly, hoping not to show his excitement. It wasn't hard to cover it up. All he had to do was think about what he was saying and not about the fact that he was telling Kairi. "I- I've lost all connection with him… and…"

He trailed off.

Now what?

_This pain in my chest—_

_It's…_

"And?" Kairi prompted.

"I guess-"

_Is that really pain?_

_Or—_

"I guess that scares me."

_No!_

_That's absurd!_

_Why—_

He knew why.

"The connection between us is a law of nature, practically," he said. "The fact that it's not there-"

_Scares me._

_Makes me feel empty._

_I don't like it._

_I HATE it!_

"Do you… think he's dead?" Kairi seemed worried.

_Of course he's not dead._

_I'd know if he was._

_And, besides, you just saw him._

"I think it's worse."

There was a sudden wave of anxiety that passed through Kairi.

It shocked him.

Because that's exactly what he was feeling.

"What could be worse?"

"Someone's blocking the connection. Someone  _has_  to be."

_I wouldn't have lost connection with him if someone wasn't blocking it., I'd- I'd still be in contact with him, I could find him, I could—_

_I could get rid of this damn pain!_

"And whoever's blocking it is  _powerful_ ; powerful enough to kill a law of nature. And- and if I have to fight them to get him back…"

Since when would he be doing any fighting?

Did he honestly plan to fight to get Sora back?

Sora didn't mean  _that_  much to him.

…

Did he?

"You can do it!" Kairi told him, firmly. "I know you can."

And she truly did.

He could feel it.

_Faith._

No one had ever had faith in him before.

He wasn't sure if he liked the feeling, but it certainly felt better than the pain, so he embraced it. He'd take Kairi's annoying faith over that stupid pain.

"And… when you get him back," she continued. "I- I'd like to meet him, if I could."

Of course she'd say that.

He chuckled.

"Sure you do, sweetheart."

He and the wolf started off again.

He wasn't quite sure why he said what he said next.

"You should wear it, you know," he told her. "His necklace."


	7. (DI endgame) the VERY original draft of L's death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original draft of DIch222, though the final version went in MMMM a wildly different direction. It's not great, but it's got some funny bits, and... well, I'm a sucker for sharing original drafts of endings, because in my experience, nothing will change faster than ideas for an ending will.
> 
> Also I'd tell you this was spoilers for Dead Inside's ending but ehhhhh since this is vastly different from the final version it's only a Tiny Bit spoilers.

"You're being mean."

L scowled, then pulled her walkie-talkie out of her belt.

"Shouldn't  _you_  be working?" she hissed.

There was a pause.

"I thought  _you_  wanted to help," 37 replied, his voice staticy through the walkie-talkie.

L rolled her eyes.

"What do you think I'm doing right now?"

"You're torturing the poor girl."

L grimaced and threw a glance back at Namine. Namine clutched the shred of Riku's shirt tighter, but didn't do anything else.

"She's not talking," L muttered, bitterly.

37 was silent for a moment.

"Why not try a different tactic?" he said, finally.

"You think I can't do this, don't you?" L demanded, her voice furious.

Namine quickly covered up a snort.

"I just don't want you getting hurt," 37 explained calmly. "And if Riku shows up and you're still doing that he will kill you in a heartbeat! I don't want to lose you!"

L stood there, stunned. She swallowed a few times.

Namine nearly puked.

"What do you suggest I do?" L asked, finally.

37 sighed.

"I'll give you fifteen minutes. Do whatever you want. But if you don't get anywhere before your time is up, I want you out of there. We'll Rewrite Namine then with the basic coding that we already wrote, and we can go through her memories and add finer details later, okay?"

L nodded, stiffly.

"Yeah."

"Don't do anything stupid."

Namine swallowed.

Fifteen minutes.

She had  _fifteen_  minutes.

And suddenly, she was scared.

The chances of Riku coming to rescue her in fifteen minutes seemed slim.

She brought the shred of his shirt to her face, tracing it against her skin, breathing in its scent.

It felt like him.

It smelled like him.

Her heart turned in her chest; her stomach churned.

She wasn't going to see him again.

L turned back to her and sighed.

"Well, you heard the man," she said. "You have fifteen minutes. You gonna talk?"

Namine let out a strangled sob.

Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"What does it matter?" she asked miserably, her voice choked. She drew her knees to her chest. "You're going to Rewrite me anyway. How does telling you anything change that? Besides, I don't know anything!"

"Aw! Is lil Namine upset?" L taunted. "Is she scared of being Rewritten?"

"How would you feel!?" Namine shouted, glaring up at her. "How would you feel if you were in my place!? Think about it for a minute! How would you feel if you were about to be Rewritten? Wouldn't you be scared?"

L rolled her eyes and pointedly looked away.

"Right… we're not getting anywhere," L sighed, reaching for her walkie-talkie. Namine snatched it from her before she could say anything, though, and threw it across the room.

"You can Rewrite me! I don't care!" she said, voice shaking. "But I want you to understand how much this  _hurts_! I am  _never_  going to see Riku again!  _Never_! I'm never- never going to see him smile, never- never going to hear him laugh, I-" She stopped, anger spent, despair rising within her again. She held the shred of his shirt tightly to her chest. "I'll never feel his arms around me again…" she breathed, almost not wanting to believe it. "Never feel his warm embrace…. How- how could I be okay with that? Would- wouldn't you be upset?"

L scoffed.

"Don't be stupid! Of course you'll see him again!"

Namine laughed, bitterly.

"Yeah. And one of us isn't coming out of that alive."

L stared.

"Do you get it now?" Namine asked. "I'm walking to my death!"

"Who said you're not going to be the one who makes it out of that battle?" L said.

"If I  _am,_ I hope I have the sense to kill myself right afterwards! Besides, I'm dying no matter what! Because when you Rewrite me, who I am right  _now_  is going to be shot down and replaced by someone else!"

L grimaced and then chucked a knife at Namine. "Stop making me feel sorry for you!"

The knife missed her by an inch.

Namine winced and turned away, tears clouding her vision.

Her time had to be up by now.

She was going to be Rewritten…

And then she'd never see-

She caught movement out of the corner of her eye. She turned, confused, and then her heart leapt in her chest at the sight.

It was Riku.

She nearly laughed in relief, but he held a finger to his lips, urging her to be quiet. She quickly stifled the laugh.

'Should I kill her?' Riku mouthed.

Namine replied by making a big show of wiping her eyes.

"Haha, very funny," L said, glaring. "I get it. Trying to make me feel sorry for you so that I'd think twice about Rewriting you. Well tough luck! It didn't- ah!"

She glanced down in horror, finding Riku's blade through her chest. Her eyes went wide with fury.

"You!" she gasped. "You son of a-"

She was gone.

Namine, not hesitating one second, threw her arms around Riku, nearly knocking him over in the process. He staggered for a second, trying to support both of their weight.

"Riku!" she exclaimed, though it came out more like something between a laugh and a sob.

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

"Hey," he whispered.

She buried her face in his chest, taking a few deep breaths. It was all a bit overwhelming. Mere minutes ago, she had thought for sure she'd never see him again, that she'd never feel his embrace, and now here she was: in his arms.

And everything was okay.

"I- I was so scared," she stuttered, wanting to tell Riku how she felt, even though those feelings didn't matter anymore. "I- I thought for sure that you weren't going to make it in time, that- that they were going to Rewrite me, and-"

"Shh," he told her, running a hand through her hair. "It's alright. I'm here. You're safe now."

She nodded. She hadn't doubted those things, but they seemed much more comforting now that he had said them.

There was  _one_  thing that bothered her, though.

"Are- are you sure I'm safe?" she asked. "C- can't they still Rewrite me?"

Riku chuckled.

"They didn't notice?" He sounded shocked. "They couldn't have Rewritten you! We locked them out of the Program. You're safe." He paused, and then added: "Well… you're safe as long as Vexen listened to me and changed the password from the absolutely obvious one that he had it set as originally."

Namine laughed at that, and soon, Riku was laughing too.

She squeezed him. He squeezed her back.

She sighed.

"Don't let go of me," she whispered.

"Okay," he replied, holding her tighter. "I won't."

And she was pretty sure he wouldn't, either. However, in their silence, they could hear a rather staticy and upset sounding voice coming through L's discarded walkie-talkie.

"Should we see what 37 wants?" Namine asked.

"I thought you didn't want me to let go of you," Riku replied.

She laughed.

"I don't. But… staying in your arms forever isn't entirely realistic, is it?"

"I wish it was," he muttered, but let go of her anyway. He sighed, smiled, then went to pick up the walkie-talkie.

He grimaced.

37 was cursing profusely.

"OI!" he said, loudly. "Who are you cursing at!?"

"You! You filthy-"

Riku winced and held the walkie-talkie well away from his ear.

"Sheesh. Someone isn't happy with me," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Don't blame him," Namine said,

"S'pose not. Guess I should've thought this one through, though." Riku shrugged and started to speak into the walkie-talkie again, then paused and shook his head. "Nah, I'll wait til he's done cursing."

Namine laughed.

They waited another minute or so, and then Riku asked:

"Are you done yet?"

"I'll Rewrite her!" was 37's reply. "I'll Rewrite her right now!"

Riku laughed.

"Go ahead and try! You're locked out of the program."

There was silence for a moment.

"You're bluffing," 37 said.

"Am not! Go ahead and try! I mean it!"

The faint sound of keystrokes was the only sound on 37's end for a moment.

Then 37 swore.

"Thought so!" Riku told him, grinning.

There was another gap of silence. Riku raised his eyebrows. Namine frowned.

"Is he… crying?"

Riku shrugged.

"You- you'll pay!" 37 said finally, and his voice  _did_  sound like it was choked with tears. "Somehow! You- you'll- why did you kill her!?"

"She was being annoying," Riku replied simply.

"But you didn't have to kill her!"

Riku frowned.

"Namine was crying."

"Only because she was upset about being Rewritten and the thought she'd never see you again!"

Riku turned to Namine.

"Is that true?"

She nodded.

"L- L wasn't helping matters, though," she said, voice small. "She kept taunting me."

Riku nodded, curtly, then said to 37:

"And who was threatening to Rewrite Namine?"

37 stopped short.

Riku scowled.

"No one threatens my Namine and lives," he said, firmly.

"Are you going to kill me then, too?" 37 asked after a moment.

"Not necessarily," Riku replied. "I don't have much of a fight to pick with you. So unless you come pick a fight with me, you could very well make it out of this mess alive."

37 was silent for a moment.

"Leave the walkie-talkie where you found it," he said, roughly.

The line went dead.


	8. (DI endgame) What if Kairi was the reason for Shad's... yanno

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d planned for a long while that Shad was going to die because he asked Sora to kill him, it was just his reasons for doing so that kept fluctuating.... Here's the take where he's doing it because he fell in love with Kairi, and Kairi's light tainted and changed him. (It has references to an old plotline where I was going to Deactivate / fake-kill Namine. Don't worry about that but [here's why I Didn't Do That](http://rarmastersftpverse.blogspot.com/2014/10/endgame-changes-post.html).)
> 
> I'm not... super fond of this, but it serves as a reference point for the larger evolution of SoShad so. posts it for y'all. [You can read my thoughts / the details of SoShad's evolution here!](http://rarmastersftpverse.blogspot.com/2014/10/shad-changes-because-of-sorashad-loves.html)

"JUST KILL ME!" he shouted, turning to Sora. Sora took a step back, shocked. His Shadow was crying. "I can't take it anymore!" the Shadow continued. "I tried so hard to live with it, but I just  _can't_. There's not a second, not a damn  _second_  when I'm not thinking about her!"

"Who?" Sora asked, skeptically.

"Who do you  _think_ , idiot?" his Shadow replied. "Kairi! I can't get my mind of off her, and it's driving me  _nuts!_ "

Sora slowly glared.

His Shadow hardly noticed. "I am pure  _darkness_ ," he whispered, voice shaking slightly with his hurt. "I shouldn't be able to feel this way! I shouldn't be able to fall in love! Love is such a disgusting emotion! But I  _love_  her!" He said this almost as if were poison in his mouth. For all Sora knew, it actually was.

"And I hate myself for it!" the Shadow cried, and in his frustration threw his blade to the ground. A few dark pillars flared up from the impact, but they did no harm. "I  _hate_  it! Even right now my heart is tugging me, telling me to just go back and see her, it doesn't matter if she can't see me! I just want to be near her!" He turned away, clutching his head in his hands. "I didn't even know I  _had_  a heart," he whispered, voice quiet and pitiful. "Or even if I did… it was so twisted and corrupted and perverted by darkness that it didn't even matter."

Sora loosened his grip on his blade slightly. He considered banishing entirely, but he didn't, just in case this was all just a stupid gag to make him feel sorry for his Shadow. And while he pitied him, the Shadow would strike-

But he was having trouble believing that story.

"But it does matter, doesn't it?" Sora asked quietly.

His Shadow turned to him, his tear streaked face worse than it had been before. "More than anything," he said, and then winced. "AND I HATE IT!" he screamed, voice tearing the air around him. "I would have been perfectly okay if stayed the way it was a month ago, when my love for her was just some guilty pleasure. Where I just sat there and thought of all the things I wanted to do, if only I actually existed enough to do them. Because it was just  _fun_  to think of, even though I knew it would never happen."

The Shadow slowly sunk to his knees and buried his face in his hands. "But then it all changed," he groaned. "Next thing I knew, I didn't  _want_  to think of those things anymore. I felt  _guilty._  I FELT GUILTY!" He was shouting again in his frustration.

Sora's glare faltered. He couldn't bring himself to be mad. All the built up hate he had towards his Shadow was slowly ebbing away.

And his Shadow slowly turned to him, a glare in his eyes. And not a cruel glare, but a very  _hurt_  glare, much like the one Sora had seen Riku wear not long ago. "And that's not the only thing I feel guilty for," he said, and then laughed bitterly. "I feel guilty for all the pain I caused everyone. Aerith, and that weird Vexen Replica… 6, was it? I feel guilty that I accidently caused one of Namine's meltdowns, even though it was only an accident. I don't give a damn about anything!" He paused a second, as if he was desperately trying to convince himself that that statement was still true. "So why the hell do I give a damn about this? I don't even get enjoyment from hurting people anymore! I no longer find their pain amusing!"

He suddenly rose to his feet and started pacing. He summoned his chains, and started to twirl them, before letting out another annoyed scream and throwing them to the ground. They slid across the ground over to where his blade lay, and just stayed there. He stared at them for a moment before returning his attention to Sora.

"You know all the pain that Riku's feeling right now?" He laughed, but the laugh was bitter. "I don't think it's funny, I don't point and laugh at him! I feel  _sorry_  for him. I feel like  _I_  should go out into the Worlds and track down 37 and squeeze the passwords out of him. It's not like it would be hard! It would only take a bit of work… but-  _me_? Being  _nice?_  I disgust myself! I  _hate_  myself.  _I HATE what I've become!_ "

There was a moment of silence, and his words echoed emptily around the area. He had stopped his pacing, and just stood there, as if the world would answer his cry. Finally he turned his attention back to Sora.

"I can't even bring myself to hurt  _you_!" he snapped. "I feel guilty every time I think about it! I feel  _sorry_. SORRY! Like I should apologize for all the hurt I've caused you, like I should apologize for that scar, like I shouldn't be trying to drag you into darkness anymore! AND IT KILLS ME! Since the moment I first talked to Kairi I've been at war with myself! My heart which I shouldn't have is trying to change who I am, and my existence just can't handle it. I CAN'T HANDLE IT!"

He buried his face in his hands again. "I just can't handle it anymore," he whispered, his voice shaking again. "I just can't take it-" his voice broke off into a sob, and he turned away, trying to keep himself from crying anymore.

Sora swallowed, and then took a step forward, reaching out. "I'm sorry-" he began.

"DON'T!" his Shadow shouted, turning on him. "I'm already going through enough, I don't need your pity on top of it! I don't need you're mercy! Just kill me already. End it! I don't want to live like this anymore."

Sora stood there, doing nothing.

The anger returned to his Shadow's face. "I KNEW IT!" he laughed, but the laugh was painfully bitter. "I knew you couldn't do it! You're too damn nice! The one time I actually give you the chance to kill me you  _don't take it._  WHY?"

His anger fell into pain again, and he turned away again and broke down into sobs. Before long he was on his knees again, bitter tears rolling down his cheeks.

Sora didn't say anything for a moment, watching this pitiful spectacle, and then he swallowed. He went over to his Shadow's blade and kicked it over to him. And then after a moment's hesitation he kicked the chains over to him, too.

"Get up," he said, trying to keep his voice even. He slowly readied his blade. His Shadow looked up at him, shocked.

"I said get up!" Sora repeated, anger edging into his voice. "And at least put up a decent fight! I'm not just going to brutally murder you. I'm not cruel."

His Shadow slowly grabbed his blade and chains, and rose to his feet. "Fine," he muttered. "But I can't promise you a fair fight. The odds might just swing wildly towards your favor."

**xxx**

The Shadow stumbled back and his blade and chains fell from his hands. They hit the ground and erupted into darkness. Before long, the rest of his body began to fade into darkness, too.

All except one little spark of light slowly floating away from him.

"There it is," he laughed. "That heart that I shouldn't have. Take it."

Sora raised his eyebrows, confused.

"I said take it!" his Shadow shouted. "I bet that it's partially yours anyways. I probably took too much when I split myself from you. I'm not sure if you'll be complete without it."

Sora swallowed and then slowly reached out, cupping the light in his hand.

The Shadow smirked, and then slowly closed his eyes, letting the rest of him fade away. And soon, all that was left of him was the little light in Sora's hand.

_"Besides, this way…"_ the voice of his Shadow said.  _"Well… it may not be much of a living, existing inside you. But… I'll still get to be with her."_

The light in Sora's hand slowly floated towards his chest and then melted into him. Sora stood there for a moment, staring at the place where his Shadow had once been. There was an odd feeling inside him, now. Something was inside him that felt unfamiliar, but now that it was here, he realized how incomplete he had been without it.

Slowly, he turned and walked away, his thoughts focusing back to where they probably should be.

Towards helping Riku.


	9. What's A Shadow Without Purpose?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fun scene that's definitely not canon. In which Shad can't find Sora, and a couple Heartless offer some help. ....sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this features Fun Name Lore, because conlangs are fun

To be honest, he didn’t feel like doing anything. He just felt… empty. He’d get caught up in a moment—respond to anything interacting with him, sure. But when it was just him? Just him and the silence that crushed in around him without Sora’s presence pounding at the back of his head?

He just felt… _empty._ Like there was nothing worth doing anymore.

He’d given up on finding Sora. What point was there looking? He’d been everywhere. He and Sora probably kept missing each other, and, at this rate, he’d have just as much luck finding Sora by sitting still and having Sora run into him than the other way around.

He didn’t have anything to do, either.

No Sora? No purpose. No purpose? Well, he had nothing outside of that. Little distractions, sure, but they only put off the feeling of emptiness.

And there were moments like this, when he’d just lay here on the ground, staring up at the sky… It only made him ache. What was he without Sora? Nothing, that’s what. No Sora? No purpose. No life. No him.

And when he couldn’t find Sora…?

He didn’t even want to try. Didn’t want to do anything. He just wanted to lay here. Let the emptiness consume him. That’d feel so much better. Anything would feel better.

He felt a small little weight on his leg, and sat up just enough so that he could see what it was. It was Heartless. One of the little Shadows—ha, funny that they shared the same Name, huh?

_They’re better at their job than I am at mine, though…_

He sighed, dropped his head back into the grass. He could get up. Summon his blade. Attack the Heartless. Summon more. Vent his frustration… not that he felt any. He felt nothing. And that made him angry—sort of. He was frustrated that he couldn’t feel anything. That he couldn’t feel anger. Couldn’t even feel the frustration properly. It was like a fog surrounded him and nothing could push through it.

The Heartless had multiplied, at least five Shadows milling around him. One was sniffing dangerously close to his face. Another was perched on his chest, studying him interestedly.

The one next to his face moved, pushing his hair away from his ear, its antennae moving, tracing across his skin, his forehead. He closed his eyes. It was uncomfortable, but only sort of. It was a _sensation,_ at the very least. He’d take that.

 _‘Hmm… what’s a Sheto doing here?’_ one of the Heartless hissed, speaking his Name with an accent. To differentiate itself from him. Of course. Their Names were similar, but not the same.

 _‘Where’s his hessha?’_ another wondered, lingering over the word _hessha,_ like it was sacred.

_Hessha._

Sora.

“Gone,” he murmured.

The Heartless next to his face paused.

 _‘Why aren’t you looking for him?’_ it asked.

“Don’t feel like it,” he murmured. “Don’t feel like… anything.”

The Heartless around him seemed to laugh. The one close to his face started running its antennae over him again, clearly trying to get a proper sense of him. He couldn’t quite understand why. It wasn’t like he was Prey. They were kin, if anything.

 _‘Of course,’_ another Heartless chuckled. _‘What is a Shadow without its purpose, after all?’_

This one didn’t add the accent to his Name. He wasn’t sure if it couldn’t be bothered to, or if it was on purpose. Because in that way, they were the same. A Shadow without purpose was—

 _‘Nothing,’_ it laughed.

From the sounds of it, this one was somewhere near his feet. He tried to look up to see it, though it was hard to do without disturbing the one that was at his neck, and even then, he couldn’t see past the one perched on his chest. That one was feeling him with its antennae, too. Like it expected to find something.

 _‘That’s no excuse to just lie here, though,’_ a different Heartless said, clearly disappointed in him. Disgusted.

 _‘Some of us give up, sometimes,’_ the one by his feet said, plainly. _‘It’s nothing new. Nothing to be ashamed of.’_

The Heartless next to his face moved so it was nuzzling up against his neck, curling up and getting comfortable.

 _‘We are kin,’_ it purred. _‘We can lend you strength. To keep moving. If you want it.’_

“But I don’t even know where he is, let alone how to get to him,” he sighed. “And without that to fuel me…”

 _‘Our purposes are similar, you know,’_ the one by his feet told him, rubbing up against his leg. _‘Why else do you think our Names are, too?’_

“Of course,” he chuckled. “What is your purpose, anyway?”

 _‘To find the weak, the broken,’_ the one on his chest said, speaking for the first time. Its tiny little claws were pressed against him, passing through his clothes, barely piercing his skin. _‘Steal their hearts. Nummy hearts…’_

He smiled. “I guess we are simi—ah!!”

He cried out in pain, back arching as the Heartless sunk its claws deeper into his chest, curling around his— _damn—_ heart. The heart he shouldn’t have. Panic flooded through him, his breath coming in gasps.

He’d forgotten about that.

Forgotten what Heartless did.

Forgotten he was in danger.

He should’ve gotten up the moment they surrounded him.

But he hadn’t felt like it…

He hadn’t—

“ _You!_ ” he screamed, trying to struggle. For being so little, the Heartless held him down surprisingly well. “You did this to me! You made me— _get off!!_ ”

He was able to shake off the one by his neck, the one by his leg, and the one holding down his arm, but the one on his chest wouldn’t move. Couldn’t be moved. It had its grip around his heart and unless he wanted to lose it, he couldn’t yank it away.

“What happened to being _kin?_ ” he hissed, grabbing the one who’d insisted they were, dangling upside down as he held it in front of his face. It said nothing, antennae just running across his face again. He spat at it, then tossed it aside, turning his attention to the one who had his heart.

 _‘Since when do Shetos have hearts?’_ one of them laughed. _‘Clearly, you are no kin of ours. What has happened to you,_ Hydrx Sheto ni Sura? _’_

The sound of his Name spoken aloud sent chills down his spine, and he shuddered, grabbing at the Heartless who had his heart. His hands shook as they closed around it’s neck.

“Let _go_ of me!”

‘ _Nummy hearts…_ ’ it whispered, tugging.

He cried out with agony, nearly collapsing backwards. He summoned his Keyblade, quickly, and brought it down on the Heartless. It vanished immediately, though he ended up hitting himself in the process. Oh well. At least he still had his heart.

Though was that really a good thing?

 He sat there, shaking. All the Heartless had left but one. It sat on the ground before him, looking up at him, completely still. Heartless were never still.

‘ _I’d be careful, if I were you,_ ’ it told him, unblinking eyes meeting his. ‘ _We will not be so kind to you a second time._ ’

And then it sunk into the ground, and was gone.


	10. an old SoShad scrap (from Dead Inside)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this was a thing I was laughing about the possibility of happening back around chapter uhhh 188?? Post-Neverland. I know why I didn't go anywhere with it (and why the first time I brought it up it was labeled with big a IT'D NEVER HAPPEN BUT)
> 
> uh but. anyway. It's a fun thought that I don't want lost to the bowels of tumblr and also like. y'all, I love them,

So after Shad’s wolf drags Sora out of Neverland, assume in this version it actually grabs Shad and does its job and brings Shad to Sora.

After crying for like ten hours the scene we get is:

Shad straddled over Sora, touching their foreheads together, potentially with Sora’s face in his hands. He’s sitting there as if through sheer willpower alone he can reestablish their connection. (He can’t.)

((This veers far from what Canon is, but, shhh, let me set up this fun scene for you.))

Shad’s just like: “C’mon. Cmon. Fuck.  _cmon!_  We are right next to each other why won’t it work? Fuck. Fucking witch. This shouldn’t be-  _‘come on!_ C'mon Sora, we can- no. no. no don’t wake up. Shit”

Sora wakes up.

Shad frantically gets off Sora and puts a good five feet between them.

(Imagine with me, the split second of slight terror and immense confusion as Sora opens his eyes and locks eyes with his Shadow who is _uhhh holding my face in his hands and also literally on top of me??? what the FUCK???_ Because MMMMMM good thought)

Sora sits up straight as soon as Shad’s off of him and looks at him with a squinty confusion.

“What the _fuck_!?”

Shad says nothing just looks incredibly guilty, not meeting Sora’s eye. That’s even worse than him explaining himself.

Sora swallows, very much wondering what just happened and hoping it’s not as bad as he dreads it to be.

“What. Were. You doing??” he asks.

Shad continues sitting there.

Shad continues looking guilty.

“Uh, nothing,” he says.

Sora raises his eyebrows, starting to get incredibly nervous.

“That sure didn’t seem like?? nothing??”

And either Shad stammers an explanation and embarrasses himself or, mortified, just Literally Vanishes From The World.

(The only reason I think he didn’t vanish immediately is because he was… drinking in Sora’s presence, in the privilege to be around him again, very much not wanting to leave and oh fuck me, he’s so gay.) (Also he was probably low-key hoping the connection would restore now that Sora was awake. THOUGH ALSO DREADING IT BECAUSE IF IT DID SORA’D GET A PRETTY GOOD IDEA OF WHAT HE’D BEEN DOING…. LMAO.)


	11. (ATR) Larxene Debacle HB Showdown Original Draft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin. Ideas I jotted down while tossing spaghetti at the wall for this sequence. The final version is better, probably, though this one does have some fun moments, like "everyone throwing up protect spells for each other", which is my favorite.
> 
> Also, actually, I'm not sure if I'd really call this "inferior" (other than it is more of an outline than being actual prose) just, "different" from the final version.

“Aw, still scared of me, obviously,” Larxene giggled, thrilled.

“I am not!!” he shouted.

But that was a lie.

He took another step back, stumbled, fell over. He started backing up, slowly. This scene was too familiar. Larxene obviously thought so, too, because she paused to enjoy him struggled.

He swallowed, then opened a dark corridor around himself.

He reappeared in the Main Room, and quickly dove behind a couch to hide. He hugged his knees tightly to his chest and tried to keep his breath even. He had to calm himself down. He couldn’t face her if he was panicking.

But how to keep himself from panicking?

The only time he managed that was when he had darkness rushing through his head.

“Riku?”

He glanced up.

Vexen was looking over the back of the couch at him, and seemed awfully confused.

“What are you doing?”

“Hiding.”

“Obviously. Any particular person you’re hiding from?”

“Larxene.”

Vexen’s confused expression immediately became something between shock and anger.

“You didn’t kill her!?”

“Namine wouldn’t let me!!”

“And you didn’t have anyone else kill her!?”

Riku shrugged. “I thought Namine said she had someone on it, but--”

“Oh never mind that,” Vexen said. “What do you plan on doing?”

“Hiding.”

Vexen sighed.

“If you’re going to hide, maybe you should go hide somewhere else.”

“Like where?” Riku asked.

“Another world,” Vexen replied. “The chances of her finding you there will be less likely.”

“But-”

“He was right; there _are_ a lot of Replicas here!”

They both tensed.

“She found me…” Riku muttered, terrified.

“Don’t just sit there!” Vexen hissed, rising to his feet. “Get going!”

Riku stared.

“What are you doing!?”

“Protecting you, like I should’ve done a long time ago. Now go!”

His panic overrode his shock at… Vexen… and Riku formed a dark corridor around himself. The corridor spat him out in Hollow Bastion – naturally, in the middle of Aerith’s house.

“I really wish you’d stop doing that!” Yuffie said, throwing her hand of cards down on the table and turning to glare at Riku.

Cid frowned at their ruined game of cards. “Does this mean I win?” he asked.

Riku drew his knees to his chest again and ignored them.

 _Vexen… is standing up for me…_ he thought, slowly, stunned.

_And Larxene…_

He shuddered and hugged his knees tighter.

_Hiding only delays the inevitable…_

_Oh, I am in SO much trouble!_

“Hey, Riku, you alright?” Leon asked.

“Hiding,” he replied, gruffly.

“From who?” Aerith asked.

“Larxene.” He couldn’t possibly hug his knees any tighter, but he was determined to try. “She found me, and she’ll find me here- and then she’s going to kill me and it’s going to hurt like-”

“Why does she want to-” Yuffie began.

“More importantly, Riku,” Aerith interrupted. “I’m sure that everyone here won’t mind standing up for you.”

“There’s five of us and one of her-” Cid said, cleaning up the cards. “What’s the worst that can happen?”

“You don’t want me to answer that…”

 

**(insert transition here)**

 

A dark corridor opened. Riku scrambled as far away from it as he could, but it was only Namine who stepped out.

“Are you trying to give me a heart attack!?” Riku shouted.

“No, we’re trying to figure out what we’re going to do with Larxene- actually, funny story. There was a raid and she took out like twenty Berserkers and three of Saix’s Replicas… It was interesting. Anyway, she and Vexen are currently yelling at each other, and I was sent here to see how you’re doing.”

Riku blinked rapidly.

“Okay… so… she and Vexen are- Vexen’s _seriously_ protecting me?!”

Namine nodded.

“You’ll have to watch the security footage when this is over. It’s hilarious.”

 

**(insert other transition here)**

Another dark corridor opened. It was Larxene who stepped out. Riku backed up and pressed himself against the wall, trying to get as far away from her as possible.

“See?” Larxene laughed. “I told him, as soon as I found you, this would be easy.”

Not wasting time with any more taunts, she threw a bolt of lightning at Riku. He flinched away, but was surprised when it bounced of something three inches from him and fell harmlessly to the ground. He stared.

“What the…?” Larxene said, sounding just as  confused.

Aerith cleared her throat, drawing Larxene’s attention to her.

“For someone who scares Riku so much,” Aerith said. “You aren’t very… observant.”

Larxene frowned, and opened her mouth to speak—

“If you were,” Aerith continued. “You would’ve realized that you are in someone’s house. _My_ house, to be exact, in which you are not welcome.”

Larxene tried to speak again, but Aerith wouldn’t let her.

“You would’ve also realized that there are more people than just Riku standing in this room,” Aerith said. “And said people could very easily be threats.”

Larxene laughed. “You? A threat?” She charged up a bolt of lightning.

Aerith prepared to cast a protect spell to defend herself, but Leon stopped her.

“I already threw one up,” he said.

And, sure enough, when Larxene threw the lightning bolt, it did not hit Aerith. Larxene growled.

“ _This_ is ridiculous!” she spat. She then shook her head and turned back to Riku. “Whatever, I have other things to deal with.” She reached out to grab Riku by the scruff of the neck—

“I wouldn’t bother,” Aerith called. “That was Wall I cast on him. He’s immune to both magical and physical attacks.”

“Basically,” Yuffie said. “You can’t hurt him.”

“The spell will wear off, won’t it?” Larxene replied, not amused.

“Not if I keep casting it on him,” Aerith said, smiling.

 

**(insert? transition? here??)**

“My sincerest apologies,” Vexen said, stepping out of his own dark corridor. “She slipped away from—” He paused, and glanced around the room. “I am in a house,” he exclaimed.

“See?” Aerith laughed. “He noticed! It’s my house, by the way.”

“Then you must be Aerith!”

“That’s me.”

“Well,” Vexen said. “Considering Larxene doesn’t look happy, I suppose that it’s safe to assume that you haven’t had any trouble.” He smiled at Larxene. “Are you sure this is worth your time?”

She threw a lightning bolt at him in response. He summoned his shield to block it, but he didn’t need to. The lightning bolt stopped three inches from it.

“Really!?” Larxene shrieked.

Yuffie laughed. “I did that!” she called. “I figured since we were throwing protection spells around…”

“Fine,” Cid grumbled. “Then I’ll cast something on Namine.”

“I think she’s smarter than to throw something at me,” Namine said. “But thank you!”

 

**(I’M NOT SURE WHERE THIS WOULD GO BUT IT’S GOOD)**

 “I’ve gotten tired of this,” Larxene spat, glaring at her feet, which were now frozen to the ground.

“As have I,” Vexen replied. “Why don’t you agree to just leave, and we can both move on with our lives?”

 

**(okay but onto the uhhh ending I guess)**

Vexen formed a dark corridor around Larxene. She screamed at him, but the scream was cut off—

—to be continued right outside.

They all turned to the window. Larxene was standing outside, not far from Aerith’s house.

“Wonderful plan!” she called, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Send me _right outside._ ”

“Whoops…” Vexen muttered. “I meant to send her… oh well. I’ll go deal with her.” He formed a dark corridor around himself.

“Can we go help?” Yuffie asked, sounding a bit excited.

“I don’t see why not…” Leon said, slowly.

“Yes!” Yuffie ran out the door.

Cid followed after her.

Riku started to move.

“You should stay here,” Namine said, stopping him. “No need to put yourself in danger.”

“One of us should stay with him,” Aerith said, slowly. “In case she comes back…”

“I’ll stay,” Leon said.

“I don’t—” Aerith began.

“You’re needed out there,” he interrupted. “To heal. I can manage protect spells.”

Aerith nodded, and headed outside.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway from here I'm not sure where it would go in relation to the Final Draft of the sequence... I figure it would probably play out like normal except: in this version one of them was actually smart enough to stay with Riku so Larxene couldn't fuckin nab him, so like. I guess this ends one of two ways.
> 
> 1) Larxene tries to nab Riku but Leon's better than that. Maybe he kills her?? that or like, just collaboratively they manage it. Maybe Vexen still lands the final blow. (Though I cry for Leon protecting his new baby brother A Lot.)
> 
> 2) Larxene manages to take Leon down and DOES nab Riku, which means it plays out like it does in the final draft from here. Just with... Leon having been injured for Riku's sake added to the weight of it. And also potentially after a healing job from Aerith Leon insisting he come along because He Failed Riku Once And Not Again,


	12. (ATR alt scene) Would you hurt your amaste?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate version of Shad's reveal which is... less an "alternate version" and more "hey what if this had happened, just for the fun of it?" There's a lot of reasons why I didn't go with this, but... It's still a good scene, and I'm very fond of Shad's relationship with his wolf. It's very, _very_ good.
> 
> CW for suicidal ideation that comes up in a sentence or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose I should be 100% upfront with you about the conlang stuff too. we already know _amaste_ means "loved one". _aishda_ implies something.... significantly more, uh, intimate. if you catch my drift.

It was a jolt through his spine, a jolt that felt like it’d snap his body in two. _Sheto ni Sora_ cried out, screaming, clutching at the dirt that was now beneath him to steady himself. It didn’t help. Especially not when a weight landed on him—a familiar weight, but a weight that could easily tear out his throat.

 _What do you think you’re DOING!,_ the wolf—his wolf—demanded, snarling, yellow eyes blazing with a fury.

 _I was just…_ he began, slowly. In the world of dreams, the world in which his wolf had him pinned now, words were not necessary. What you wanted to say and more could be conveyed through thought, could be conveyed without meaning to.

 _You would hurt your_ aishda?

The wolf’s paws pressed deeper into his chest. Its snout was dangerously close to his throat, close enough that he could feel its breath on his skin. That made his heart pound. Or perhaps, something else made it pound.

The word _aishda,_ incorrect as it was, the suggestion of it—the suggestion of Sora being his—made his heart pound harder than the threat of the wolf on his chest. He barked something that was laughter, mad giggles, and anger all at once.

 _He is not my_ aishda!

 _Your_ amaste, _then,_ the wolf corrected, though a glint of laughter remained in its eyes. A glint of laughter, and a glint of fury. _Sheto ni Sora’s_ blood ran cold.

_I wouldn’t call him that eith—_

_Would you_ hurt _him?_

Tears welled up in his eyes. It’d been a moment of weakness—a blade raised to his chest, to Sora’s chest. He’d nearly plunged it home, too, had it not been for the wolf. Whether the wolf had attacked Sora in the real world, or just come to him in this world of dreams, _Sheto ni Sora_ could not say.

 _I know… I-I know,_ he stammered, digging his fingers into the dirt beneath him. _I-I- I wouldn’t…_

The wolf dug its paws into his chest. _Then what were you doing?_

 _I don’t know._ He shook his head violently. _I don’t know. I just. I can’t do this. I can’t…_

 _That is all you’ve ever said!_ The wolf’s fury was quite clear to him now, conveyed not only in how its lips drew back to reveal its teeth, not just in the growl that rumbled in its chest. It was a flare of images and feelings raging through his mind. Hurt. Betrayal. _Longing._ The wolf really did look about ready to rip his throat out, and there was despair in its voice as it continued. _All you’ve ever said is you cannot, when you have not_ tried _!_

Tears blurred his vision.

_I’m sorry. I just. I didn’t want to be alive._

The snarl fell from the wolf’s snout, and the growl stopped. It snorted, a blast of hot air against his face, ruffling his hair from his face, and smelling _disgusting._ He still hadn’t figured how this wolf’s breath could smell so bad when it never _ate._

 _It looks like you do not have a choice,_ it told him, with a feeling of a sigh around the words. It shifted, and though all its weight still remained on him, it was placed less threateningly, as it chose to _lie_ on top of him, rather than pin him where he was. It nuzzled its snout against his neck, fur and whiskers tickling his chin.

_For what it is worth… I certainly missed you…_

He let out what was supposed to be a long sigh, but easily became a choked sob. He buried his hands in its fur.

_I missed you too, you sack of bricks._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for bonus feels here's the projected convo that happens after this
> 
> Shad: what am I supposed to do, though?  
> Wolf: tell him, for starters  
> Shad: like that’s a good idea—he wanted me dead  
> Wolf: but did he not say he’d rather not have killed you?  
> Shad: please, he was just angry at the circumstances  
> Wolf: are you really not aware of what goes on around him? (a casual raise of the eyebrows) Certainly, being nestled in his heart as you are, you can sense at least his thoughts, if not hear what he tells everyone else about you.  
> Shad: Uh… Well… I haven't really been paying attention. Why? What'd he say about me?  
> Wolf: He has said at least twice now how he wishes you didn’t have to die, how he wishes it could’ve gone differently.  
> Shad: has he…?  
> Wolf: I think he would be happy to know you are still alive


	13. (DI) Original Concept: Shad's wolf finds Sora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn't call this a "draft" because it's really more me throwing spaghetti at the wall, but. Yeah. An early concept of Shad's wolf finding Sora.

_I ran into Roxas again…_

_But I didn’t fight him._

_That’s good._

_But I felt the tugging, in my heart._

_I know I have to be stronger than it, but it’d be much easier if I could get away from Maleficent. Away from all the temptation. Away from the darkness that pulls at me._

He pulled out the star shaped charm he’d picked up in Agrabah.

“Please…” he whispered, clutching it tightly. “I need out of here. Can you help?”

 _“…No…”_ the mental voice was strained, quiet. _“I’m sorry…”_

“Don’t be,” he told it. “It’s okay. And thank you, really. For what you told me. I know I’m stronger than this. I just need to keep trying.”

The charm—or the spirit attached to it or whoever he was—didn’t reply, but Sora felt a sense of pride wash through him that he was sure wasn’t his own.

“Still,” Sora looked up, determined. “A way out of here would be nice. I can’t use those dark corridor things… and even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. My star shard’s shot. But… there has to be _some_ —”

A soft growling interrupted him. It sounded like… a wolf?

Sora turned to see, and, sure enough, a wolf was standing behind him. Sitting, actually. Patiently. Staring at him with sharp golden eyes. It growled again, but it was an impatient growl, not a threatening one.

Sora pocketed the charm and went over to the wolf.

“Hey there fella,” he said, kneeling down in front of it. He wasn’t sure if he should be treating it like the dogs back home, but he wasn’t sure what else to do.

 _Maybe I should try talking to it, though,_ Sora thought. _Normally. It looks like it could be intelligent enough to hold a conversation, if not at least understand what I’m saying. It looks magical, honestly._

There really was no other explanation for the red fire that made up its tail and mane. The fire didn’t look dangerous, and it didn’t appear to be giving off any heat, but it popped and cracked and moved like any other fire would.

“Who sent you, huh?” Sora asked. “You here for me, or are you lost?” He held out his hand to it, for it to sniff—

In a blur faster than Sora could see, the wolf had snapped at Sora’s hand and caught his fingers between its teeth. Sora stared at it, a little stunned. It hadn’t actually _bitten_ him—at least it hadn’t broken skin—but it was still a little shocking.

“Hey, what was that for?”

The wolf didn’t reply, though Sora didn’t much expect it to. The wolf just stood up, and tugged Sora forward. Sora stumbled to his feet and followed after it. The world shifted around them, and suddenly they were somewhere else.

“Awesome…” Sora muttered, and then he fainted.


	14. (ATR) In which Sora gets norted, and Xehanort taunts Kano in Kano's dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of scenes from what could have been ATR's endgame, if I'd gone with norting Sora, but these were the only ones I felt were really... worth salvaging. Love me some heart magic bullshit, as well as dream bullshit, as well as Xehanort being an asshole and Kano suffering greatly.
> 
> Kano's dream was actually a practice scene I wrote to get my Xehanort voice down, which is why it's young Xehanort. It's... probably my favorite non-canon scene I've ever written. It's good stuff.
> 
> For the record: this was all written or drafted three years ago. (Lot's changed since then!)

Context: Xehanort (disguised as Not Xehanort, perhaps even disguised as Terra,) convinces Sora that Aqua’s not going to be able / willing to split him and Kano, and offers to do so himself. Or… tells Sora that Sora has the means to do so, he just needs to unlock that power something something come meet me I’ll tell you all about it.

And, desperate to help Kano, a little bit manipulated by Xehanort’s lies and the darkness twisting the thoughts in his head, Sora goes.

 

\---

 

“Sora, you can’t, it’s a trick!”

Kano’s voice rang through the air, but his pleas were fruitless. Sora raised the gnarled grey Keyblade to the sky, flipped it around, aimed it at his chest. The air caught in Kano’s throat as the image burned in his mind—Sora, arms stretched out and poised to strike himself with the ancient blade, not much more than a silhouette surrounded by the light of the setting sun.

He could not see if it was fear on Sora’s face, or determination.

He could not see the tears that rolled down Sora’s cheeks.

Sora hesitated a moment, then plunged the blade into his chest. The sun met the horizon. The sky flared blood red, and for a moment, Kano swore the sun wavered. The clouds around them swelled, and darkened, until the sky was a hideous painting of red streaked with black.

Sora’s hands fell from the blade, which remained in his chest, pierced clean through him. His head fell. His body trembled, shook, then rose slowly into the air. He was racked with shakes and jerks, as a dark maroon of lightning flowed out of the Keyblade and surrounded him.

Heart magic was a dangerous thing, and Kano knew that better than anyone, being of the Heart himself. Sora had a great power within him, but he didn’t know what he was _doing._

“SORA!” he screamed. He tried to rush forward, to grab Sora, to catch him should he fall, but it was like moving through molasses. He seemed stuck in a dilution of time, while Sora sped by him, and the magic went wrong.

Sora’s head was thrown back, his mouth wide in a soundless cry. He was nothing but black against the red of the sky, which crept like spider webs through the growing pitch clouds. It almost looked like Sora was the only source of the light left. For all Kano knew, he was.

He pushed his legs closer and closer to Sora. He still wasn’t close enough, wasn’t fast enough.

The blade ripped from Sora’s chest, vanished, its purpose done and its damage wrought. Sora’s arms and legs were flung out, and the dark red power swelled and swirled around him. The clouds grew rapidly, swallowing the red light, swallowing the image of Sora’s form.

Kano could not move any further, though he tried.

The darkness was total, and the sky was an unfathomable black. Then it broke. Cracks of red light spread all across it, growing wider and reaching father until the whole thing shattered and the sky was a red so bright and so pure it made Kano’s eyes ache.

Sora fell to the ground. His body crumpled, though the red magic still crackled around his skin. Kano tore his way through whatever was holding him back—it was weaker, now, if it was there at all. He did not dare think about what it was, and why it stopped now, of all times. He fell beside Sora, and yanked him up.

Sora’s jaw was slack, his eyes wide open. The sight sent shivers down and back up Kano’s spine. Sora’s eyes were red, pure red. Not just the iris, not just the pupil, but the whites as well, all of them bathed in the same red of the sky, until there was no distinction between them.

“Sora!” Kano pressed his hand to Sora’s chest, searching to see if he could find the damage done to Sora’s heart, to see if he could undo it. He could not find anything to grasp onto, though. Nothing to grab, nothing to tug, nothing to pull until his own magic fixed this mess.

He licked the tears off his cheeks and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “S- _Sora,_ ” he croaked. “ _Please,_ Sora, I- I _told_ you it was a trick.” It was more begging than it was irritation. He swallowed around a dry throat.

“G-go.”

The rasp of a voice was so quiet he almost didn’t hear it. He stared down at Sora, unbelieving, joy raging with fury in his chest.

“Sora!”

“ _Go!_ ” The command was louder, firmer, and shook the air around him. Sora’s mouth did not appear to move, but the red in his eyes parted briefly to reveal a familiar set of blue irises. “You have to go, Kano. You can leave now.”

That was the admission that Kano feared the most. Sora saying he had done this for him, when he did not _deserve_ it.

“I can’t leave you,” he argued. He tried not to look around Sora and at the ground below them, which had faded from a beautiful portrait of stained glass to a dull grey, cracked as the sky had been moments ago. “Not now. Sora, you can’t ask me to—”

“I said _go!”_

If possible, Sora’s voice was as more fragile as it was more firm, this time. And it really did make the air around them tremble.

“Sora, I won’t—”

“How can you save me if you’re trapped in here as well? _Go,_ Kano, before it’s too late. I know you can—”

The words were stifled, and the blue in Sora’s eyes was swallowed by the red. His body went rigid, shaking violently, and Kano had to pull his hands away lest the magic that still coursed around it shock him, or worse. Sora’s body fell back and landed broken on the platform.

Kano took a deep breath in attempt to hold back the sobs welling up in him, then did the last thing he wanted to do. He took his leave, abandoned Sora in this horrible, destroyed place.

 

\---

 

Kano materializes in the physical world somehow (Xehanort may have helped,) and there’s Sora collapsed on the ground passed the fuck out his hair is turning white. Kano wants to rush to him but Xehanort stands in between him and Sora, Xehanort stands there, eyes glinting with delight, mouth pulled in a grin.

“Ah, Kano. Just the boy I wanted to see.”

Kano hesitates, despite an echo of Sora’s voice (not Sora’s actual voice, because the link between them has been severed, because Sora has no agency left to him to yell at Kano even if it hadn’t been) telling him he needs to get out of here, despite knowing that logically _he cannot save Sora alone._ He hesitates, because leaving Sora seems impossible, and because:

Xehanort’s voice whispers, in the back of his mind. _Stay, stay. Sora needs you, Sora needs your help. Stay._

And either:

> Kano manages to do the smart thing and run out of there himself

> He hesitates too long and his wolf has to come save his sorry little ass

 

\---

 

_(While in actuality SoShad likely would have been together by this point—had ATR developed the same way, though perhaps if I’d stuck with this ending it wouldn’t have—this is some… really good dialogue. Kano’s explaining what the fuck just happened, and)_

“He told me that I had to go, that I had to get out of there, that I was free.” And here’s where Kano’s voice shakes with fury “THAT _I_ WAS FREE! What kind of _sick joke_ is that?” he asks, and his voice breaks. “What kind of sick joke is that…?”

“He loves you, Kano,” Kairi tells him, because she’s realized that, even if Kano hasn’t.

“Fuck off, that’s not funny.”

“I mean it, Kano.”

“I said fuck off!”

 

( _Alternatively)_

“NO!” Kano screams. “The burden of my love was too much to bear—I refuse to accept the burden of his. He didn’t need to do that for me”

 

\---

 

Kano looked around, absentmindedly searching for footing, though he knew the realm of dreams well enough to know he did not need it. There was nothing but a mist around him, a dark mist, along with a single figure across from him. He couldn’t say he recognized their face, nor their presence—that was never his sort of thing—but he knew he didn’t like the vibe this kid gave off. (Kid was probably an inaccurate term, considering Kano was the same age, if not younger.)

The kid stood there, a smug smile only barely hidden on his lips, golden eyes glinting. His hair was stark white, his skin a dark rival to Sora’s. Kano thought he looked like someone he knew, _really,_ but he couldn’t place it.

“Who are you?” he asked the kid. _What are you doing in my heart space_ was the next question that formed in his mind, but he choked that one down. It could wait.

“I am merely a dream,” the kid replied.

“That’s fucking helpful.”

The kid only raised his eyebrows, slightly, smiling. He was wearing one of those cloaks that that Organization whatever wore. Odd clothing choice, Kano thought. He crossed his arms over his chest.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to tell you that Sora could not be saved.”

Kano’s heart stopped in his chest. Now he realized why this kid looked familiar. He’d seen this face once, just once, but how did not know how he could have forgotten it. _Xehanort._ The blood red sky flickered in his mind, the sight of Sora’s mouth drawn open in a silent scream, the image of Sora with this same white hair and golden eyes.

“What did you do to Sora?!” Kano demanded. His fury, his fear, shook the air around them. He did not make a conscious decision to form the ground, nor have more than a passing thought about how fighting while floating in nothingness would be a pain in the ass, but the ground slowly manifested itself under them, regardless. It was nothing special, just a grey slab, contrasted to the beautiful stained glass which decorated Sora’s heart.

“I haven’t done anything,” Xehanort replied. “Not yet.”

“Don’t _lie!_ ” Kano shouted, spittle flying from his lips. “I was _there!_ I _saw_ it!” _I felt Sora’s heart break…!_

“I said ‘not yet’, didn’t I?” Xehanort asked, a mere hint of disgust bleeding through beneath his smugness, just for a second. “It was not me who set the trap for Sora, but my most future self.”

“You’re from the past.”

“I am nothing more than a dream.”

“Then how the hell are you here?”

“This is a dream, is it not?”

Kano growled, then ran forward, chains falling into his hands as he ran, lashing out to attack Young Xehanort. Young Xehanort just smirked and sidestepped, then brought a hand up to catch the second whip of chains. Kano’s eyes widened in surprise when his grip held and the chains did not vanish from between his fingers, nor did they latch around his wrist as Kano commanded. Young Xehanort tugged, hard, and Kano flew forward, face skidding on the half-formed ground, until he was at Young Xehanort’s feet.

“You cannot save Sora,” he repeated. “Believe me, in the future, I will make sure of that, make sure that this vessel holds when the others had not.”

Kano made to push himself up, but Young Xehanort kicked him back down, firmly planting a foot at the base of his neck to hold him there.

“What- what the fuck do you _want_ with him?” Kano asked. Tears burned in his eyes. Anger burned in his gut.

“I need—or will need—Thirteen Darknesses, to combat Seven Lights, in order to recreate the Keyblade War. It is something I’ve heard legends about, and something I have very much longed to see.”

“And Sora’s one of them?”

“Sora will be the first of the best, first in a list of perfect vessels, all with their own strengths.” His voice shook with something Kano was disgusted to peg as _desire,_ as _hunger._ He tried to push himself up again, or command his chains to do something to Xehanort, but could manage neither. The ground flickered below him.

“You really want to save him, don’t you, Kano?” Xehanort asked, drawing his words out with pleasure. He bent down and grabbed a fistful of Kano’s hair before he moved his foot, then pulled Kano’s head up off the ground. Kano grit his teeth and shifted to pull himself up. Instead, his own chains grabbed him by the wrists and fastened him to the floor. The way Xehanort’s lips drew into a wider, more satisfied smile sickened him. Even worse was the way Xehanort was considering him, as if he were something valuable.

“Let- let _go_ of—”

“No need to say anything. I know you do. Perhaps… we could work something out.”

“ _NO!!_ ”

Xehanort let go of his hair and his face fell flat against the ground. The dull grey was going to make him puke.

“So you wouldn’t save him?” Xehanort asked, a laugh behind his words. “You would rather something like… this?”

The sky very violently burst with the color red, filling everything around them that wasn’t the ground with the color. The air caught in Kano’s lungs. Worse, he still could not break free from his own chains. How had Xehanort _done that?_

“Kano…”

Sora’s voice!

“Kano… how could you betray me?”

No, this was worse, much worse. Sora stood before him, silhouetted against the red, his hair stark white and his gold eyes gleaming. He stood with that gnarled grey Keyblade plunged into the ground before him, hands resting on it.

“S-Sora--!” Kano stammered, tears brimming in his eyes.

“How could you leave me like this, Kano? _I thought you loved me._ ”

“Stop this!! Stop!!”

Kano yanked at the chains binding him, furiously ordering them to let him go, furiously wishing himself in any other position—this was his heart, this was his dream, he should be able to control it!! He should be able to control it.

“How could you, Kano…?”

Sora pulled the blade out of the ground and bared it, one handed, as he stepped towards Kano. The scene was familiar. The ground beneath them was cracked. Sora raised the blade over his head, and Kano flinched, unable to do anything else. He screamed.

“Shh, shh!” Xehanort’s hand was on his head, almost _soothingly_ fingering his hair. “It’s only a dream.”

When Kano looked up, Sora was gone, and the mist was back. Even the ground had vanished, though his chains remained.

“What do you _want_ with me?” Kano sobbed, though he tried to swallow the tears and the gasps so they would not be obvious.

“I just wanted to be sure you realized your situation,” Xehanort replied. He was suddenly standing feet away from Kano, his face blank of emotion, as far as Kano could tell. When Kano had gotten off the no-longer-existent ground, he wasn’t sure, but he was also standing. Or, floating. Or…

“You have a very weak heart, Kano. I’d be careful, if I were you.”

Xehanort vanished.


	15. (ATR) so if Sora and Kano had gotten split before Aqua went after Xehanort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Up until the very _very_ last minute, I'd intended for Aqua to split Sora and Kano before going after Xehanort (just because she wanted to prove she could even split hearts) but then I moved around the Braig and Roxas fights and so it became unnecessary for Aqua to also split Sora and Kano (plus it was bad for the pacing) so!! well!!! here's some drafted thoughts for how that would have turned out, as well as two potential routes for how Sora and Kano went to get everyone else to send after Aqua.

Sora and Kano are split.

Sora goes to stand up, and he’s suddenly very dizzy and woozy.

“Oh fuck, why am I so tired all of a sudden??” he wonders. This is weird because like, sure he was only asleep for a few hours but it shouldn’t be an exhaustion _this_ persistent, he craves a nap that could last a week, feels like he’s gonna pass out any second now.

Kano squints as well, not fucking used to being tired actually, but his body suddenly is and he’s very ??!?! about it. The two of them are clutching at each other to support themselves because they’re tired, pushing back yawns as they talk about Aqua.

But also ONE OF THE VEXENS, idk if Even or Vexen, flip a coin I guess, regardless one of them is like: “Well I’d imagine you are,” a little smug, dad voice. “I can’t imagine that process being anything OTHER than completely taxing. You two may be separate people, but you still had your hearts thoroughly fucked with, pardon the French.”

“Well I guess we’ll go home and crash, then,” Sora says.

“Not your house,” Kano counters.

“Oh fuck you right. Kairi’s I guess.”

“Ugh.”

“Listen man you gotta—” _be nice to her, you said you would, you two gotta be friends eventually, you both promised—_ something along those lines but he doesn’t finish, and he doesn’t have to because they have a telepathic link so the rest is just Conveyed.

“No it’s not that, just remembered she’ll be pissed we didn’t bring her along for this.”

“OH FUCK.”

And Aqua who is still here is like: “Well, you two go do that and I’ll um. actually.” She turns to Vexen and Even, boy not subtle at all. “Would either of you know where Xehanort is?”

They exchange looks.

Then Vexen shrugs.

“The World that Never Was, I’d wager? I suppose we can have someone check surveillance cameras.” Then he processes the question, squints at her. “Why do you want to know?”

“Oh! Just, um, gathering information.”

“Right.” He doesn’t believe her at all.

“Anyway!!” she says quickly, “glad I could help you, Sora. Kano. See you both later.”

She leaves.

“Boy she’s terrible at lying,” Even comments, immediately.

“Wait what.” Sora didn’t follow.

“She’s going after Xehanort, isn’t she?” Kano says.

“OH FUCK,” Sora says. “We have to go after her!”

“Sora I don’t think that’s such a good idea??” Kano protests, holding him back, maybe pushing the starshard out of his hands or grabbing onto it firmly, firmly thinking that he’d like to stay point, or go anywhere other than after Aqua to try and counteract it, slkdfjsf

“But!!”

“Sora he’s right.” Even says “I don’t think either of you should go anywhere in this condition, except somewhere to take a nap.”

“We have rooms here” Vexen offers.

“Okay we won’t go after Aqua,” Sora promises. “But we absolutely need to tell _someone_ to go after her. Capable or no we can’t let her walk into that alone!” Perhaps the latter bit is him cutting of something Kano wants to protest before he can even open his mouth.

“You two should rest,” Even insists “Vexen can deliver a message as well as you can.”

Vexen gives him a look like _why not you_ but “I mean I suppose I just need to go tell… Aerith? Well, Riku will also be there.”

“Kairi too she’ll be so mad if we leave her out,” Sora insists adamantly.

“Right, well, I’ll go to Aerith’s and tell everyone what Aqua’s oding and your request to get Kairi,” Vexen says.

“No listen we can deliver the message, we’re fine,” Sora insists.

“Sora,” Kano’s warning, tense, feeling the exhaustion in both their bones, not wanting Sora to pass the fuck out.

And uh, then like. Somehow this ends with Sora and Kano plus maybe Vexen going to one of two places.

 

**Kairi route**  

THEY ALL GO TO KAIRI’S, which actually goes Less Than Great because she’s pissy when she gets woken up, especially at like 4am, but.

Fun thoughts: Kairi being woken up by Sora and Kano alternately yelling at her, while Vexen is just like. Actually he probably just, leaves them to that and goes to Aerith’s himself, logically, though him and Kairi going to Aerith’s together is a Fun Thought

Anyway so Kairi wakes up and then she kind of excitement!!!! and then _anger!!!!_ at the two of them until they explain, but also there’s:

“Holy shit you two look like you’re gonna pass out any second.”

“Yeah well Vexen said that heart splitting stuff took a lot out of us and that we should probably, uh, sleep, but Aqua was the more pressing matter.”

“I thought it was Even?”

“It was one of them.”

“Ok well fuck you two do that and I’ll um. I’ll.”

“I think they’re rendezvousing at HB.”

“Ok I’ll go there.”

WHICH ENDS WITH KANO AND SORA CRASHING IN THE SAME BED (KAIRI’S?? SORRY KAIRI) CURLED UP NEXT TO EACH OTHER OF COURSE, BECAUSE WHY WOULD I DO ANYTHING DIFFERENT, and um, they nap.

Kairi leaves a note to her dad.

And then rushes off, which means she shows up at Aerith’s and most of them are awake and planning at this point and so she arrives to also get in on the plans.

 

**Aerith route**  

SORA AND KANO (AND MAYBE VEXEN?) GO TO AERITH’S!!! which results in the sound of a star shard and some potential shouting waking Rinoa, who is still camping on Aerith’s couch. Which is. Better than one of them hollering for Aerith, or literally anyone.

They wake up Rinoa and give her the downlo

And Rinoa’s like “okay cool so we need numbers [raises voice] AEERRIIIITHHHH”

Aerith rushes down the stairs “WHO’S HURT IS EVERYNE OKAY” because that’s her first assumption, also Leon isn’t far behind her. Let’s be real. OH FUCK, NEITHER IS RIKU BC THAT WOKE HIM TOO…

“No one’s hurt,” Rinoa explains, “just wanted your attention.”

“Then why does Sora look like he’s going to pass out—OH IS THAT KANO?”

Kano blushes with embarrassment aaaaa this is happening much faster than he would have liked.

“Yes hi no time for that.”

“Yeah” Sora adds. “As much as I’d love proper introductions we gotta hurry I think Aqua’s in trouble?”

“I mean she can probably handle it.”

“I MEAN MAYBE BUT ALSO LIKE WE SHOULDN’T LET HER DO THIS ALONE.”

“What’s--”

“SHE WENT AFTER XEHANORT.”

And anyway they gather the stuff and Sora and Kano are told by Aerith to stay the fuck behind tho also they might just, pass out on their own. Anyway they share a couch I guess? Can’t be super comfy and idk if Kano’d currently be okay with Sora laying literally on top of him or vice versa but either he’s too tired to think about it or like, they curl up and one has his head in the other’s lap, or just using legs as a pillow, something like that.

And um

Hmm

That’s it??

I’m just fond of them showing up and waking Rinoa

OH YEAH

Sora insists someone go get Kairi. Namine offers to do that, or mb Riku does, especially bc I had other thoughts for Namine.

Those are the “she and Cid stay behind” thoughts, which also please imagine: Cid making Vexen help with moving cots and things around because (Cid voice) “well those two passed out on the couch aren’t gonna do shit so come on.”


	16. ATR 87 scrap - "Best friend stamp of approval"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kairi teasing Kano about his and Sora's relationship was cute and funny, but I ended up cutting it for the sake of focusing instead on Kairi and Kano talking about their friendship, which was more important, and I couldn't really have both.

“Sora’s my best friend,” Kairi answered, resolute. “It’s in my job definition to care, especially about the things he’s too stupid to seriously consider.”

That’s all she _needed_ to say, but…

She continued, with a cruel smile and a waggle of her eyebrows:

“Besides. Future boyfriend’s always gotta have the best friend stamp of approval.”

It had the desired effect of Kano jolting with surprise and, flustered, spluttering for a solid twenty seconds. Kairi had to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing, because if Kano’s roil of emotions wouldn’t wake Sora, her laughter would.

“I- it’s not like-” Kano stammered, absolutely tripping over his words. “He’s not interested in me!”

“Hmm,” was all Kairi said in response, because she’d beg to differ. _But,_ she wasn’t going to let Kano know that.

(It wasn’t like she was totally certain, anyway, that there _was_ anything there. But she knew the fondness Sora regarded him with, the patience Sora kept doling out for him. Something between them didn’t seem inevitable, but it definitely seemed possible. And it was _such_ a terrible fondness that Sora regarded Kano with.)

 

After this Kano’d get mad because this topic frustrates the hell out of him. 

So “GOOD NIGHT” he snaps and slams himself back into bed, back to Kairi, face to the wall. Now he’s in a REALLY bad mood. Because he hates thinking about his and Sora’s future relationship potential, because he thinks it’ll never happen and he’s longing for something he can’t have and it’s something he shouldn’t want anyway.

((I would not be able to get any further conversation out of him and I really didn’t want to put the rest off.))


	17. (ATR) In which Sora realizes he loves Kano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this while kind of just in a Mood, and was really fond of how soft the prose ended up being, but inevitably had to split the scene up over the course of a few chapters in order to create tension. ATRch103 got the main rehash of it, but elements from this were used in other Sora scenes between 103 and 110.

The realization comes to Sora as he wakes up one morning. The haze between sleeping and waking allows the thoughts he’s been turning over in his head for a while to crystalize, solidify finally into something coherent.

And:

 _Oh,_ he thinks, a little numbly.

Because it’s just occurred to him that he’s in love with Kano, maybe?

Which, honestly, he should have seen coming, he thinks, as he reflects further on it.

‘ _Seen what coming_?’ Kano asks, a light of consciousness sparking in the back of Sora’s mind from where Kano is nestled. Joy bubbles up within Sora at the sound and feel of his presence. Sora lets the joy be, but he does take the recently-crystalized realization and plops it somewhere Kano can’t reach, embarrassment burning hot in him as he does.

He wonders idly if this is how Kano felt, hiding these same feelings, then discards the thought. Slight embarrassment of Kano finding out without Sora telling him pales immensely in comparison with the guilt and hatred that coupled together to create the cocktail of bad feelings Kano had regarding this. So Sora shuts his metaphysical mouth and pushes that thought out of Kano’s reach too, because he doesn’t need to know.

 _‘Sora_?’ Kano presses, nosy if gentle, if a touch concerned. ‘ _C’mon, dude, your brain’s bubblin’ like you’re thinking hard but you’ve got your thoughts blocked off, what gives.’_

 _Nothin’!_ Sora lies brightly, though the way Kano wavers with uncertainty makes him pretty sure Kano sees right through it. _Don’t worry about it, okay?_ he says more genuinely, because it’s not nothing, just something Kano doesn’t need to worry about right now.

Kano hesitates for a while, but then comes the mental notion of a shrug.

‘ _Okay, whatever,_ ’ he says. And then: ‘ _You gonna eat breakfast without fighting this morning, or…?’_

Sora laughs aloud, bright and grateful. He doesn’t have it in him to be annoyed, not about this anymore, because, well… he loves Kano too much.

 _I’ll try, I’ll try,_ he assures Kano, pushing himself out of bed. He can’t promise he’ll actually get anything down, but he’ll try, because it means something to Kano that he takes care of himself, and—well, he’ll force food down his throat if he has to, for Kano. There are more inconvenient things in the Worlds.

And, as for the realization Sora’s come to?

He holds it close, for now. Sits on it for a bit, just to make sure.

Well, he’s pretty sure, but…

He has to find the words to tell Kano, anyway. Because Kano deserves something more than something that’s only casual and half-thought through.

Though… he’ll have to try and come up with something quick, too. Because Kano also deserves the truth. And he deserves to know because Sora told him, not because Kano overheard the thoughts idly working through Sora’s mind. So.

Soon. Soon.


End file.
